I've been told my "Equality" post was one of my best, and I think I know why. It's because I didn't pull any punches and I wrote from my heart and with emotion. So I thought I would try it again to see if I get the same results. As of right now I'm a blender full of emotions, and I thought I would attempt to channel all of them to write about inner demons and fear, and the role they play in my life, and possibly yours. In short I'm writing from the heart from here on out. So without a further ado, I give you inner demons and fear!
I've been told in the past they would love to spend a day with my brain, but I think it would drive others mad, hell it damn near drives me insane. We all have our inner demons and mine stay in my brain, and are extremely loud certain days, and then there are days where it seems they are exocrcised forever. Inner demons are different for every person, for me they are the little voice in the back of my head that continually tells me I'm going to fail, you can't lift that, you'll never amount to anything, etc. Inside my mind there is a constant never ending battle of good vs evil, and the days where I'm down is the days where evil wins. The voices take over and just don't shut up. They keep telling me I'm not good enough, you have to college degrees and your a manager at the Cheese, you'll never lose that weight you wanna lose, and it's on repeat for a whole day, and sometimes more. No matter how many times I bury a hole, take my demons and throw the down to the abyss, and throw away any nearby ladders, they always find a way to crawl back to the surface. The trick is you can't ignore them, because it takes energy to remember to ignore something, which in turn always makes it on your mind. If everyday I went around telling myself I am good enough to counteract the demons and to make them shut up, they have already won, because they have instilled doubt into me already, and that's all they need to do to stay around.
The trick about inner demons is to acknowledge them, because they aren't going anywhere and move on. This will enrage them because they know that you know they exist, but you're not doing a damn thing about them. Lately my inner demons have been very loud lately, because they are trying to sabotage me, and some days they succeed. But more days they don't do jack, because all I do is wave to them and give them the finger. They tell me I'm not good enough, but then I just think to myself about my friends and family and how many people love me, and I know the demons are full of it. They try telling me I'm failing at my career working at the Cheese, but then I say in a little over a year I'll hopefully be running my own store, and they tuck their tails and hide. Then the weight demon pokes his head up, a demon I've fought all my life ever since I learned the meaning of Husky pants the hard way, and wearing a sticker to school. The weight demons are the most hurtful, because they have taken on voices I have known in the past, of people I know and once called my friends telling me I was fat, and asking me where my top was when we went swimming. The most powerful inner demon is the one you can relate to actual people, but that's also it's downfall. I've accomplished a lot health wise in the last three years, and I am proud of my body, sure I don't have a rippling six pack, or giant biceps, but I like what I have done. Every time the weight demon starts to speak up, I walk up to a mirror, and roll up my sleeves, and that shuts him up real quick.
Like I said everyone's inner demons are different, and how we deal with them is entirely different. Some ignore them completely, some let them guide their life and blame what they do on them, some move towards other means to drown them out, and some just give in to them and let it ruin their life. My inner demons drive me to be a better person, and that pisses them off. I know everything they tell me on a daily basis are lies, and it eats them alive that I know that. Every time they tell me something to bring me down, I use it as fuel to accomplish what they tell me I can't. Which is a 100 times better than an exorcism.
First of all I wanted to give you a little preview of what's to come over the next few months and why, as well as try something new this time around by giving you a little soundtrack to listen to while reading. Every blog I have written has had music playing in my head or in the background, and it just reinforces my writing I think. So in this blog your about to read you'll be taking a deep look into how I view myself, but more importantly how others see me, which is drastically different then the way I see myself, until now. :) So thank you all to who contributed. I am going to take all your answers and put them on a paper in my wallet for whenever I feel like I'm not doing a thing is this world I can tell myself bullshit and look at who I am to others. Next blog coming is about inner demons and fear because I'm trying to keep with the Halloween theme. And yes there will be a mention of clowns, and probably more than once. Then the Halloween week there will be a short blog explaining Operation Thank You which I hope everyone partakes in, because it will open your eyes. I'm going to try to throw a blog in about friends, because I know a lot of people don't realize the power of having friends, and how lonely it is without them. And then I'll close out the year with a December 21st end of the world blog, but not in the way you think. But let's get to this one shall we.....
If you want to get into my mindset press play and please continue reading :)
Every morning I wake up and go the mirror and ask the man standing there staring back at me one question, who am I? Some mornings I have an answer, but more times he just stares back with no answer to give. The simple answers are a man, father, husband, and a manager, but being who I am I'm always wanting more. But with it being 6 o clock in the morning my brain just settles on the four answers and goes on with its day. Through out the day my mind just nags me and nags me asking me continually why I settle for those four easy answers, and I don't have a reason so I'm constantly at battle inside my own head. Yelling at myself internally why I keep settling for mediocrity, when I should strive for awesomeness! So I started telling myself I am awesome on a daily basis, because everyone in the world can tell you how great you are, but if YOU don't believe it yourself there's no way for you to believe its true. It doesn't stop there though, I then got the idea to ask others how they see me, and to say it was eye opening would be an understatement.
I got a lot of answers that involved my management at the Cheese, which I expected due to the fact that's where most of my friends come from! I was called the Cheese on the Pizza, CEC counselor, most understanding manager, and etc... The reason why I'm the kind of manager I am is because of one reason I promised myself to never forget what it's like to be a crew member. Without people to run anything you have nothing! You can have all the people in the world lined up, but if you don't have people there to help them, then you're beyond screwed. So I promised myself never to forget that we are all on the same team in the long run, and everyone who is there is there to support each other. I knew I was a good manager, but had no idea how good I was till others pointed it out. That is a very humbling experience. I can honestly tell you if I went back to the future to tell myself that you're going to work at the Cheese and love it I would of laughed at my future self. But being there has made me a better person, friend, manager, and a man, due to one fact, all the wonderful people I have met through there! So thank you from the bottom of my heart!
The two days that changed my life the most so far are the days my children were born, and if you're a parent you will completely agree. Soon as the first one came out and I looked down at Jaiden I knew being a father was one job I was destined to have. I strive everyday to be a man my son can call Hero to his friends at school, but more than likely it's my Dad works at Chuck E Cheese, or my dad leads scouts! Which is fine too because he uses the words "my Dad". But hopefully one day when my boys have to write an essay on their heroes, I'll at least be on the considered list. Because children follow example more often than advice! The other day that changed my life forever is when the twins were born, because now I had two boys, and one girl! A girl who would be destined to be Daddy's little girl and she knew it the first time she grabbed my finger and I melted. Being a parent is the greatest career in the world, you don't get paid in money, but instead you get paid in hand drawn pictures and cards. By the little hugs here and there, and the constant I love yous! Which are worth more to me than any amount in the world.
Another word that popped up multiple times in peoples answers were inspiration and role model, which are two titles I strive for everyday!!! We all need a little push from time to time, whether it be get to the gym, to start a project, smile a lil bit more, and the list could go on for days. I know the feeling to help people overcome issues, and it is one of the greatest feelings in the world. Helping someone without being asked is a trait I try to instill in my children everyday. In short the way I live my life is the way I want my children to grow up!! I want them not to follow in my footsteps I want them to walk along side me, and when they get to that point to run off as fast as they can on the right path of life. I see brief glimpses of that now in my children which means they are getting the hang of it early on. Which as a father makes me extremely proud. Inspiration is a never ending cycle as the picture can tell you. To be able to inspire you must first come inspired. Everyday I look for inspiration in everything I do from working at the Cheese, to being a Dad, to going to the Gym, to the store, being a friend, and being a human. I've been told my numerous people that they can come to for advice and talk to me about nearly and issue they are having, not just because I advice, but because more importantly I listen. My advice and inspiration all comes from my life, and realizing we all need inspiration and love in our lives. I've had some very high ups, and some real deep downs, but the only way the downs get better is by using those experiences to move on, and possibly help others. I came across a quote the other day, "God comforts the disturbed, and disturbs the comfortable". Which I believe is true! God gives us what he knows we can handle, plus a little more to test us. I think that's the real reason I had twins! He knew I could handle two kids, but since I love a challenge he tacked on another for shiggles! If you need a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to, have a good time with, or someone to just stare at the wall in silence I will always be there! Because that's who I am!
In conclusion, I had no idea to the extent of who I am to some of the closest people to me! And now knowing the truth I have to step it up a notch, because I love a challenge! I'm going to be blogging more, working out more, working on becoming the best GM I can possibly be at the Cheese for the future, becoming a greater loving father and husband, and finish writing my book!!! This was a very eye opening experience to me, and if you want to know how others see you all you gotta do is ask, and I'm pretty sure they will let you know what you mean to them and how special you really are. If you do ask I'll tell you straight up who you are to me, because each person who reads this has a place in my heart. In short I'm a lot of things, things I knew who I was, and some I didn't! And I'm never changing who I am!!!!
As always have peace and love in your heart in whatever you do, and you will enjoy life!
Life is defined by the roads we take, the roads we don't, the shortcuts we sometimes make, the dead end streets, and the One Way's we enter the wrong way. Not every person takes the same roads, but we all have similar paths, and in the end we all have one thing in common: we're born, we live, then we die. Two of the roads are similar to every person, and the way we live is where we define ourselves. The similar paths we all share in some aspect are: education, relationships, friendships, love, career. individuality, and family. How we take on this paths influences everything we do and all the steps we take in the future. I'm only going to focus on six of those seven, because when I talk about my education I turn into the Hulk, and I can't smash my computer.
Relationships and love I'll throw into together. First of all if you haven't read my month on love I highly recommend you do. because I had some pretty good stuff in there (or I might be a lil bias). But simply put I believe every person in this world has a soul mate. Everyone! The key to finding them is looking everywhere for them, and especially in places you shrugged off before. IE, the friendzone! I spent my whole teenage life there with a ton of people praying everyday I would get that ticket out. It never came! Which I'm thankful for now, because only strong friendships can survive a breakup, and I think spending that time in the friend zone only made our friendships stronger. But if you ask any successful relationship nine times out of ten they say they married their best friend! So sooner or later friendship does evolve to more, if it is destined to!
The road of friends and friendship should never be taken for granted! I truly appreciate and love my friends who have stuck by me through the years, and I would not be the person who I am today if not for them. Each friend you have has the potential to teach you a very important lesson in life that only they can teach you. For some it takes time to get that lesson out, and others are filled to the brim of them they make a blog and blow up your phone with random text messages! :D But each lesson they have is worth knowing, whether it be something that should be done or not done, somebody to date or not date, parenting information, etc...the list is endless! Just think of what your friends have you taught you do, or not do!!! Without them teaching you that, guess what YOU wouldn't know!!! I have a few close friends I have known since I was a wee lad, and I have a few close friends I have known for only a few years, but I swear to you I will not take either one for granted, due to the fact your old friends know how you have been in the past, and your current friends have an idea where your going. And combining those two opinions you can figure out where you need to go!
8 Years ago to this day I was nervous as hell. why because it was the night before I started the Cheese. If you asked me 8 years ago if I would still be a the Cheese I would of laughed at you (hence the Joker), but if you ask me today where I'll be in 8 years from now I will tell a better place because of the Cheese. The truth is without the Cheese you wouldn't be reading this right now because the people I work with and have worked with inspire me to write it, so once again thank you from the bottom of my heart! I'm not saying it's all been peaches and cream there but the good times definitely. I could write a book about my times and the people I have met while working there, but words can't do it justice. That place will always have a special part in my life, and I didn't realize it until someone else pointed out in others hearts as well. I have the power to make Lil Timmy have the greatest 5th birthday EVER!! Whether it be helping him out playing a game, just talking to him about his favorite superheros, or wearing a giant mouse costume in all his birthday pics with Chuck! I am kicking myself for taking that for granted over the last few years, but I promise to myself I will fully embrace that power now!! For every person that walks through that door, because if the rumors are true, then..... Well let's not jump to conclusions.
First off the word individuality is a pain the butt to write, and is fricking hard to spell after typing for so long! Just thought I'd let you know that, because that's the kind of person I am! We all are born, we all die, but only few live! Our individuality is determined by how we take each road that we are offered. And each road we decide to take or not to take is a huge part in creating you! Each road I talked about before makes up you and who you will become, and the only person who knows that person is yourself! So I can't tell you what roads to take, I only guide you with the life I have led so far. I know marriage, kids, and working at the Cheese isn't for everyone, but it's for me and that's what is important. I went down some dark roads in the past, but I found my way out. I went down some bright roads and am still going down where I have no idea where they end. And I've gone down a few one way streets the wrong way, but I just turned around and started over. And I try very hard to avoid dead ends, because there is no point to them. I've never been a shortcut person, and I think that's why I'm stuck where I'm at, but the truth is if I did take a shortcut in anything I did, I wouldn't be me, and I wouldn't be creating myself, I'd be creating my evil twin Sven. :)
I'm not going to start this off with an apology like all my others, instead I'm going to tell you why I've been silent. I have started four different blogs in the last four months, and all of them are a quarter complete, because I couldn't finish them. The reason why they remain unfinished is because I wasn't believing what I was thinking. The mind is our greatest weapon when used correctly, or it can be your own personal WMD, and for me it was the later. I have spent the whole summer attempting to think "happy" thoughts, and soon as you have to tell yourself to think "happy" thoughts, you are pretty much screwed. The trick to anything in this world is just be, and don't think about it! As soon as you start thinking about anything you are screwed! You start to over analyze every little detail and start to believe the worse will happen, because the thing most people think about is the worst case scenario, and if that's all we focus on guess what you start to believe it! That is the start of the biggest downhill battle you will ever see! So I've been focusing on the positive side of things lately, and not been thinking about the negative. And truth be told it's a lot harder than it looks!
Everyday I wake up I tell myself the same mantra I have adopted whenever I work out, " I can do this, I will do this, I am doing this!" Every time before I walk through my gym's doors I say that to myself. between every rep, between every set, and between every station I keep telling myself that. The second you say you can't do something, and believe you can't you never will! Never use the word "can't", instead use the word maybe!! Because then there is the possibility you can, or if you're unable to you will keep trying until you do, and the word "maybe" becomes can! There are two great motivators in life: When someone tells me I can't do something, it dares me to prove them wrong! The second thing is changing maybe to can, and upping what you can do now to another maybe! My goal in life is to be better than who I was the day before!! Some day's I succeed, and some I don't! But I never tell myself I can't do it! Instead I tell myself maybe I can!!
First off I wanna say sorry once again about the lack of posts, but there's a few reasons. One I was on vacation, two I'm attempting to get abs through an extensive workout (it's kinda working :) ), and three this summer is now entitled the summer I wrote a book. Which means most of my writing time will more than likely be spent writing my book, but I will try my hardest to update this blog at least once a month, so I can get to all your awesome requests, because I want to do them all. But this month's request comes from Kourtney. When I sent out my text a few months ago getting ideas for the blog, she said shoes!!! High heels to be exact! And I'm one who never turns down a challenge, so here's my blog on shoes!
Now before you make me hand you a man card, not that I have many left, here me out here. This blog will be about shoes and how it relates to life, and putting yourself in other peoples shoes. Now I'm not saying go try some heels on, but I must admit I looked pretty fab in a pair of heels a few years ago for Halloween, ok here's my man card now :P! I'm saying we as people are always quick to judge people, without first trying to put ourselves in other's shoes. I'm not saying cater to everyone in the world and feel pity for everyone in it, instead I'm saying try to put yourself in their situation before you say anything or make a judgement. You might say that might be impossible to fit yourself into other peoples shoes, but that is so far from the truth it's crazy.
Now just to get this out of the way, I'm not picking on anybody right now, I'm just naming scenarios where people are quick to judge, and if they took time to actually look at that person they might realize they have a similar issue. Teenage pregnancy, we all have been teenagers and or still are. So I will never understand how other teenagers and adults can ridicule teens who get pregnant. Being a teenage is hard enough, and I can only imagine how it is while bringing a life into the world that was made out of love. Most people just see the negative side of teenage pregnancy, and never realize that the mother is carrying another symbol of love into the world. The only thing they ever see is the Mom's future being doomed, and a child growing up having a rough time. Have you ever thought if we took half the time bitching about other people, and putting that time instead into helping how better off the world would be. If every person who lent an ear, a helping hand, kind words, or even just a hug to a pregnant teen hell a pregnant person in general, that warmth translates in so many ways. For one thing the Mother will feel less stressed and more happy knowing they have one more friend in the world, instead of another person who just does one thing, nothing but judge, and usually from a far, because they are usually cowards and can never say the things they say to you to your face. And a happy mommy equals a happy baby, and if you have both you might have a chance helping improve a young woman's life.
That is just one example, and to be honest my brain is fried from trying to write a book at the same time. So the moral is if you look at every person you are about to judge I will bet you will see a part of you in there. You may not be a pregnant teen, but you were once a teenager. You may not be overweight, but everyone knows how hurtful words can be, and if we took the time we waste beating down others and instead put it towards a good use, the world would be a better place.
All right first thing first, I'm about to break a rule that needs to be broken. I promised myself I wouldn't write when I was angry, but I believe what I'm about to say would only be able to come out if I give in my deep rooted anger right now that I have been suppressing for so long. So just a fair warning if you want a happy blog post I would skip this, but if you want to see how I truly see the world now please continue reading on. I think that picture sums up adulthood perfectly, Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything!
EQUALITY!
Allright, I gave you your chance to back out, and you didn't so you're about to hear my view on equality in life. When we are all born we are essentially created equal for the most part, two arms, two legs, brain, organs, etc...but what really sets us apart in the long run from either succeeding or failing in life is what we do with the life we were given, but also what the people before us have also done! We are the results of two people getting together and joining to make one person, and you as a person have two choices in life to either become the person that they want you to be, or be the person you want to be. I have always prided myself in being the person I want to be, because if you're not being you then who are you being. Which brings me to equality in life, workplace, sports, love, etc...Here's the hardcore truth Equality doesn't and will never exist! In life the guy with the more money because of who his parents are will more than likely get the girl, the person who knows people or secrets will always go further in any workplace, in sports the team with the best players always win because they have the most money to buy the best players, and love well my dad taught me a very important rule before I got married, "She's always right, and if she's wrong DO NOT TELL HER!".
In theory we are the results of our own actions, but we are also who are because of the result of the actions that come from the actions. I've always viewed my life as going to a club, a club I was never and will never be let into. I could be standing outside in that line for forty days straight in the sun, rain, snow, etc...but I would never be let in because of the person of who I am. I am not a kissass, I try my best not to play favorites, I attempt to treat everyone equally at first, I'm not a douche (my exgf says otherwise), and I always put others ahead of myself. I would rather die than become the exact opposite of who I am. but the sad reality people who are nice, play fair, treat everyone equal get nothing in life. Nice guys/gals finish last because they are too busy helping others, than themselves. If I was in a race and I was sprinted by a guy passed out on the trail I would run my hardest to get him a glass of water and run right back and give it to him. Would I lose the race, yes, but as long as you stay true to yourself, in theory winning or losing shouldn't matter. But sadly we don't live in theory, we live in reality where people backstab people who help them, say hurtful words because they can, beat other people verbally and physically, and hurt themselves or others around them. And it seems to me people who are the exact opposite of caring, loving, kind hearted are, and always will be the winners of life.
This entire world is based and run on favoritism its the sad truth. Our president is voted in on a popular vote, we all have our favorite movies, cars, color, shoes etc. So how can we ask the world to run on equality when it has never been run on it. Shouldn't us as human's all have the basic right to marry who we want, work where we want, get paid equal shares for the same amount of work, regardless of who we know. But we don't live in that world, once again we live in reality, where people of the same gender can't marry, people get hired and promoted due to the fact of who they know, and the douches and kissass's will always get paid more for the equal or less amount of work. So it seems in the real world the only place equality exists is in math where 2 will always equal 2, but 2 people will never equal the same, and I sadly never see that ending, ever! Because that is the way the world has and always be run, with the douches and Aholes running it, while the good guys/gals are busy helping everyone else, and not themselves.
Now please I beg of you from the bottom of my heart to go out in this world and please prove me wrong, because I honestly believe if enough of us stand up in this world, we might have a chance to change it! It more than likely will be a small chance, but it's still a chance.
As always keep love, and peace in your heart through the day!
Allrighty Guys and Gals, April was a busy month for me putting out a post a week about love. Very tiring on my mind and heart too, I pulled no punches and just let it flow, and I'm usually not like that! So I put out an open invite for topics and I got a ton, and I plan on doing them all! Starting with equality because I have alot on my mind about right now, and it won't be pretty, but it will be truthful from my heart. My plan is a post every two weeks from now until June or July to get all the good ideas I got done! There will be some down right serious ones, some inspirational ones, some dark ones with a message, and a few funny ones (thanks Kourt). But as I promised before if you read them I will write them, and I will try to have the first one done this week, so you all can hate me by the weekend. But as I have always said it doesn't matter who hates you, it matter who loves you in the end! So peace and love in your hearts and I'll be seeing you all soon.
