I was planning on writing poetry down the road again, but today I had an idea, and couldn't get it out of my head, so without further adu, my first poem in many, many years!!
Reflection
Some put on their makeup.
Others do their hair.
Not me.
I stare.
Stare at the man in the mirror looking back at me.
Looking back at the boy I was.
The man I have become.
See the physical scars.
And reflect on the deeper, inner, scars that incur from growth.
The wrinkles in the face.
The thinning and fading hair.
I just stare.
Some put on their makeup.
Others do their hair.
Not me.
I stare.
Stare at the man in the mirror looking back at me.
Mirrors don't lie.
That's why many do not like them.
They show you the truth of yourself, but only if you look.
Looking at that man reflected back I feel many urges.
High five.
Hug.
Punch.
Turn and walk away.
But instead I just stare.
Some put on their makeup.
Others do their hair.
Not me.
I stare.
Stare at the man in the mirror looking back at me.
I see many things in the mirror that others do not see.
I see the past always trying to haunt me.
Replaying hurtful memories.
Fueling anger, and not forgiveness.
I see the present happiness.
The present is always in battle with the past.
Present always wins.
Some put on their makeup.
Others do their hair.
Not me.
I stare.
Stare at the man in the mirror looking back at me.
While staring my mind wanders.
Wanders far away to the future.
The future where I become the man I'm destined to be.
The one I have decided on.
Happy.
Muscular.
Lean.
Successful.
Only love no more hate.
No more anger.
No more fear.
I stare and I feel this feeling in my heart.
Look myself in the eyes.
And make a promise.
This is your future.
This is your destiny.
This is who you will become.
Some put on their makeup.
Others do their hair.
Not me.
I stare.
Stare at the man in the mirror looking back at me.
First off I wanted to get this blog out before the 21st of this month, for one reason to signify the end. Some believe the world will end but other cultures believe it will be a rebirth and another cycle that we all will go through. I believe the second one is more true. But couldn't help posting a scary pic of the world ending!!! And no this is not the last blog either!
Any chance I can get to write about superheros I always take it. This will be no exception. Over the past few weeks I've reread all my blogs to see what I have said in the past, and knowing that i wrote those words that I was reading tells me I know deep down they are all true. Every blog I have written has led up to this one, and I didn't realize that until two or three months ago, when everything started to fall in place, and trigger the transformation of what is to become. Ralph Waldo Emerson said "The only person you're destined to be is the person you decide to be!" Well I have decided to become a completely different person and kill off a side of me that gets me nowhere. The dreamer in me is being transformed into the doer side of me, because dreams are great, but they are nothing if you don't do anything about them.
Now the superhero aspect of this. Each blog I have done so far is in a way my own team of Avenger's I have assembled to take on my own personal Loki, my negative and fearful side. Each time I posted it was accepted with love and support helping make my words stronger, and making me believe in what I was writing more and more. I'm not sure if I could add labels to my blogs according to the certain Avengers, but I know for a fact they all build on each other. Armed with the words I have written from my heart I know deep down that with the support I have now with everyone I know I too can walk up to my negative self and slam him into the ground repeatedly! Loki brags about having an army, well I have my own Hulk. My Hulk is my determination to never give up, and never stop fighting. My Loki's army is my own personal demons and fears that keep me from doing what I wanna do, well from now on I'm unleashing the Hulk on his army, and smashing it into oblivion. Fear and my demons will not hold me back anymore, what does this mean, it means I pray each night I can move on from person I am right now, and become the person I'm destined to be.
What does this all mean and what is The End I'm speaking of, it's simple I'm done talking about what I wanna do, and I'm going to do it. I already have a chapter and a half written for my book, and what I have planned for it I believe a lot of people will like it. I'm done talking about Project Awesome, because over the year it has embodied me, and swallowed me whole. I live, eat, breathe, and sleep Project Awesome and I couldn't be happier. Without it I don't know where I would be. It has helped me silence my dark self, and has brought out the best person I know who I can be. I almost didn't get to write this blog because of events that happened this weekend, but it helped me realize something in my moment of crisis. I do not want the words Chuck E Cheese manager forever immortalized next to my name, I want the words "husband, father, friend, brother, son, and writer" immortalized in my name. My whole life I've been known as the guy who works at McDonald's then became the Chuck E Cheese guy, well it's time to be known as that writer guy. My words are weapons and I'm cocked, aimed, and ready to go to battle against my own fear of not succeeding.
So to sum up everything in a nice little package this is the end of a big side of me, the side of me that is always dreaming, but never doing anything about them. This is an awakening of the man I have decided to be, and the man I am destined to become. This new year I'm making one resolution, one promise, to become the best version of myself in every aspect of my life: friendship, fatherhood, husbandhood, writer, fitness, and etc... This week starts this new promise to myself, one I know you all will help me keep. So thank you and I love you!! And last but not least, AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!!!
I promised this blog last week, and I knew what I wanted to say, but I wasn't sure how I wanted to say it. But the important thing is to get it out there, because it coincides with the big one that will be coming on Dec. 21st, about the end. No not the end of the blog, or the end of the world, but the end of completely different, and a huge promise I will be making. But enough of that, and lets get to this one.
It's no secret that next year I turn 30, and the thing that scares me is that is half way to 60! I've been looking back a lot on my past, and have come to a sad realization. When you're younger you get every little milestone applauded and praised by your family, friends, teachers, etc. We all had that paper that mom proudly displayed on the fridge and bragged to her friends about the 100 percent spelling test that her son got...and yes I can still spell paleontologist (without a spellcheck!) But was we get older we stop getting gold stars from others, and stop giving them to ourselves. The really sad part is that we rely on others to do it, and if they don't acknowledge how awesome we did we get upset at them. We have come to rely on others kudos that we forget the most important person who should be patting yourself on the back first, yourself. That may sound conceited or egotistical, but its the truth. Someone can tell you how awesome you are day in and day out, but if you at first don't believe it it does nothing. You almost feel like they are mocking you, and you actually suck. So in a nutshell before you get pissed off at the world for not giving you a gold star, first give yourself the first gold star, and the ones who matter most in your life will also send gold stars your way. You might be asking yourself; " Hey Dane, what are some gold star worthy things?" The answer is simple the mini victories you accomplish on your way to your bigger goal. because if you don't celebrate the little victories, how are you gonna prepare for the big ones.
Also looking back at my life I truly understand my life is the result of the actions I take, and the ones I don't take, and also each year of my life has had an ongoing theme. For instance my freshmen year could be defined as the "Worst luck with girls year!" It all started that summer when the girl I liked dated all my friends, but me. My first trip to the friend zone. Then fast forward to Homecoming where I'm nominated to become Homecoming Prince (as a joke mind you), and make it all the way to the finals, but without a date. And the girl I end up asking who was the girl I first ever had a crush on basically strung me along by saying maybe she'll go, and finally telling me she had a boyfriend all along. I still remember the pain I felt that night not only from my heart being stepped on, but also from the dishwasher, because I decided to put dishes away immediately after they were washed and halfway through the drying cycle, when they air is near boiling. My hands were as red as my eyes from crying so much that night. My Sophomore year can be summed up as the year I found the video camera and began my love for being behind the camera and writing again. My Junior year could be summed up with one word, "McDonald's", because that was my first job and I spent a lot of time working. And my Senior year I'll just call my "Stupid Boy" year, because I always dated or tried to date girls who my friends hated, and didn't realize my friends weren't blinded by stupidity like I was, and saw the truth before I ever could.
After high school was the year of "love and truth", because I started dating my future wife, and the following year would be the "wedding" which we spent almost all of our free time planning our wedding. After that came the "betrayed by the clown" year when I was moved to a smaller store to learn more and move up in less than a year, but instead they just kept me there and didn't teach me jack and I got angry and left, and went to the Cheese! I could go year by year, but I just wanted to show you a pattern, and I bet if you analyzed your life right now, you would see a common theme in each year of your life. I'm going to skip a few years though, and get to the last four years, and to the start of who I am today. It is true when they say you have to hit rock bottom to truly appreciate the top, and I was in a dark hole a few years back, and I am not telling you why, let's just say every aspect of life was turned upside down, and it took a lot of reading and self finding to build the ladder I used to get out. But by going though that dark time I use that to help others through there's so my pain was not in vain. The year after that I shall call the diet year because I lost 15-20 lbs on the Flat Belly Diet, and have kept most of it off still. I am super proud of the willpower I had that year.
From those two years came the workout year, and the start of Project Awesome which I know some of you have embraced and integrated into your life. I had no idea that Project Awesome would change my life so much, and how I look at my life and others. It makes me truly appreciate the now, and plan for the future. Which brings us to this year which I have dubbed the "life coach" year, because I have done a lot of that this year, and I love every minute of it. It doesn't matter if I'm writing this blog, helping a friend get over an ex, help people realize how beautiful they truly are, help best friends get back together, and a plethora of other things. I look back at this last year and realize a lot has gone down between people I love and care deeply for, but also myself. One of my friends called me an "inspiration for men to become", and the impact of that comment has resonated with me since. It is what drives me each day to begin each day with the thought that this day is the start of something amazing, but it's up to you to make it happen. I've always been a dreamer, but my biggest fear is that I'm to busy dreaming and I'll miss that moment where it's time to start doing and stop dreaming. The biggest difference between you and the person who has your dream job, is very simple, the person who has your job did more than just dream.
Which brings me to 2013! Next year I'm going to busy with doing what I do, but adding another title to long resume. Writer! I want to look back at the year 2013 when I'm 60 and say that is the year my writing career began, and it is my goal to make that happen, I will still blog, but I'll dedicate most of my writing time to my novel. If you want a little taste here ya go: What happens when a man turns 30, gains super powers, finds out his birth parents are the worlds greatest superhero and super-villian, and that super hero's are real? I don't know but I can't wait to write it, look for Super Mid Life Crisis coming soon!!! And if there is enough outcry I will post excerpts from it on my blog if enough people want me to. But that's not all!!! When I was younger I used to write poetry all the time, and my goal is to get back into doing it. Some I will post on FB, and others I will post here exclusively! They will be from the heart and I hope that they impact you when you read them.
So in short, remember to award all your victories not just the big ones, and look out for a lot of writing in the coming year by your's truly!!!
