Giggles Part 1

      Duncan walked the halls of the Shady Acres Sanitarium.  He learned they called it that versus an insane asylum so it could help the patients recover faster, but everyone there knew it was just a fancy word for, the nut house.  Duncan has been there for twenty years to this day.  Duncan was first admitted after his tenth birthday after his brother Timothy was taken away by Duncan's one and only friend, Giggles.
       Duncan rocked back and forth in his room being hugged by the strait jacket.  Reminding him of his mother's warm embrace during the hugs he used to get.  Duncan will never forget the last time his mother hugged him.  It was his eighteenth birthday, and she came in one last time to beg him to finally tell the truth about what happened to Timothy.  Duncan answered always the same answer, "Mom, it wasn't me.  It was Giggles.  Giggles took Timothy.  Why won't you believe me!".
       His mother kissed him on the forehead and said one final, "goodbye:, barely holding back tears from leaving her incurable son.  Her heart breaking one more time in her life from losing another son.  Duncan wasn't given any time to answer back which left the last thought in him mind of abandonment.  A thought that bred anger, loathing, and bitterness.  Not the forgiveness and love that he so desperately craved.  Through out the years the other patients caught wind of why Duncan was in there and all knew they should stay away.  You don't mess with a guy who killed his brother blaming it on an imaginary clown friend.  That is a whole new level of insane.
       So most of the days Duncan just sits all alone by himself rocking back and forth talking to the chair in front of him.  John one of the orderlies at the sanitarium took it upon himself to try to connect with Duncan.  He was only human so there was no reason to be afraid.    It was mid afternoon on a Monday when John sat in Giggles seat. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!  THAT'S GIGGLES SEAT!", Duncan screams at John.
       John fought back every urge to beat Duncan down for screaming at him and showing him such a lack of respect.  There was something deep within though holding back John's fists from becoming balled and launching towards Duncan.  It was his curiosity.  John wanted more than anything to hear the story of Giggles, and knew this might be his only chance.  "I'm sorry for sitting in Giggles seat Duncan.  Can you tell me who Giggles is?", John says in a calming voice.
        Duncan smiles.  He hasn't smiled since his tenth birthday really every smile after the day has been put in Shady Acres has been a medicated one, and not a natural one that had all the power over.  "He's my only friend and family", Duncan beams with joy.
         John noticed the instantaneous change in Duncan, but it didn't comfort him, it frightened him more than anything.  He would never admit that though.  He was a man on a mission.  A self decided one about finding out the truth.  "That's a funny name for a friend.  What does Giggles look like?  Can you draw me a picture Duncan,"  John almost said the word imaginary before the word friend, but he knew Duncan would then clam up and become silent once more.  Once again locking the mystery of Giggles deep within the only mind that knows he exists.
      Duncan looks around the room ,surveying if anyone is listening, or if this is a prank being played on him.  The last person that played a prank on him never did, because he disappeared that night and was never found.  "I can draw you a picture while I'm telling you the story of my best friend.", Duncan tells John.
       John thinks for a second how far down the rabbit hole he actually wants to go.  He once again lets his interest for the unknown shout louder than his brain.  Which was telling him to get the hell out of there.  "I can find you a piece of paper and some crayons probably.  No pencil or pen because they are sharp.  I hope you understand."
       Duncan nods, "Of course I understand.  Crayons are much safer for everyone around me.  John then gets up to go find some art supplies so he can finally have a visual of the monster that has haunted Duncan for so long.  John overhears Duncan talking to Giggles, "No you can't sit in the chair he will be back.  I don't know why he is talking to me.  Maybe he wants to be my friend."  John turns around expecting to see Duncan talking to the chair, but instead sees Duncan with is neck arched up talking as if someone very tall was standing next to the char he was sitting in.  A sight that sent shivers up his spine.  His gut warning him this was final last chance to run and never look back.
      John returns to find Duncan silent and not talking.  He thought that maybe he and Giggles had an argument and they are not talking to each other.  The second John thinks that thought he might as well lock himself up with all the other crazies, so he throws that stupid thought out of his mind.  John goes to hand the paper to Duncan and notices he has been crying.  "Are you ok Duncan?"
      Duncan picks up a black crayon and starts to draw an oval for a head,  "Giggles is mad at me for making a new friend.  He say's he is my only friend."
      John takes Duncan's hands both of them shaking in fear of angering his best friend Giggles.  John says comforting Duncan, "You tell Giggles I am your friend, and there is nothing he can do about it.  If he doesn't like that too bad!  Now please tell me your story buddy."
      Duncan looks up above John and puts his head back down to his drawing.  He looks up again once again over John's head and then back to his drawing.  This time drawing in bigger details.  Duncan looked up once more, and this time John turned around to see if he could see what Duncan was drawing but there was nothing.  Duncan then started his story, "It was my tenth birthday party when I met Giggles."

      Duncan could never believe he found the perfect hiding spot for Hide, and Go Seek.  It was Timothy's idea to play a giant game of it in the woods behind their house for Duncan's birthday party even though their parents forbid them to go in there in fear of them getting lost.  Duncan disobeyed all orders of his parents though as most ten year old boys do and found a house deep in the woods.  It looked like no lived there so it would be a perfect spot to hide and never be found Duncan thought to himself.  
      Duncan goes into the house, and immediately the smell of a dead rotting house assaults his nose.  He ignores the stench because he knew he could smell a stinky house for a few minutes if it meant finally being crowned Hide, and Go Seek Champion.  He finds the master bedroom of the house and spots a closet door in the back of the room.  He goes to the door and finds it empty and with enough room to sprall out and rest while he waits to emerge as the winner of their game.  
     Timothy did as most brothers and siblings do when playing games.  They cheat.  He watched Duncan go into that house and decided to play the ultimate prank on his brother.  Timothy convinced all his brothers friends not to go find him.  Some were reluctant at first, but he just bribed them with candy and they caved like most children do when sugar is brought into the situation.  Leaving Duncan in the house in the woods all alone for hours.
       After what felt like eternity to Duncan he started to worry that maybe he found too good of hiding spot for their game.  Starting to panic his asthma kicks in and begins to have trouble breathing.  Little gasps of air is all he could get in and not a healthy amount of oxygen.  His heart beating faster and faster as the thoughts of never being found were finally realized.  Then his ears started to play tricks on him.  First he heard the slow winding of  a toy.  Next the chattering of a teeth moving toward the closet he was hiding in.  Followed by a faint silly laughter.
      Duncan tried desperately to breathe quieter and quieter and not to make a sound, so whoever or whatever was out there wouldn't know he was in here.  Duncan wished there was a small hole he could peek out of to see what was in the room waiting for him, but he knew there wasn't much light.  For the sunlight that used to creep under the door opening stopped around thirty minutes ago which meant one thing.  It was night time.  
        "Ollie Ollie Oxenfree!", comes from within the room with a silly sing song voice.  Followed by a, "And a Happy Birthday Duncan!"
          Duncan leaped up thinking his brother finally found him.  Completely ignoring the fact that he was disguising his voice just to scare him even more.   Duncan rips open the door expecting to see Timothy standing there with the grin he always has on after he pulls a prank, but he was not there.  There was only what seemed to be two floating candles lit on a piece of a cake in a pitch black room.  The silly sing song voice then came back into the room, "Happy Birthday to you.  Happy Birthday to you.  Happy Birthday dear Duncan.  Happy Birthday to you!".  Duncan stood frozen in fear unable to retreat back to the closet even if he knew it would do him no good.  "Aren't you going to blow the candles out and make a wish", the silly voice asks. 
           "Who are you", Duncan barely stammers out.
          The silly voice happy obliges with answering, "I'm your new best friend, Giggles.  I came here to come get you because all your other so called friends and brothers just left you out here.  They all thought it would be funny if they left you out here, but I thought it was mean so I came here to find you."
         Duncan finally finds his bravery.  Not wanting to believe a word Giggles has said.  "Is that true Giggles", he asks.  
          Giggles smiles.  Duncan catches a small glimpse of a red lipsticked smile in the flicker of the candles still burning.  Giggles answers, "Sure is.  Watched it myself.  Now can you please blow your candles out and make a wish.  So I don't burn myself."
         Duncan looks around the room and sees no other light coming from anywhere else.  He was already afraid of the dark, but being in the dark with a Giggles makes me pee his pants just at the thought of it.  He attempts to trick his new friend, "But if I blow the candles out then there will be no light anymore.  And I'm afraid of the dark."
         Giggles laughs a comforting laugh, "I know that.  You want to know why because I'm your best friend remember!  I have an idea."  Giggles pulls out the lighter he used to light the candles and flicks it on as well.  Duncan then sees a little bit more of Giggles and notices he is wearing white gloves with tiny red stains.  "Now will you make a wish?"  
         Duncan takes a deep breath and blows out his candles.  "YAY!  Now you can open your present!", Giggles squeals.  Giggles hands Duncan a box and Duncan does what all kids do and rips open the package without a second thought.  Duncan notices more and more light coming into the room in the process of opening his present.  He looked down in his open box and realized why it was flashlight that was left on.  Giggles releases the switch on the lighter leaving the only light in the room being the flashlight.  
       Duncan picks up the flashlight and directs in the direction of Giggles voice revealing his strange savior.  Giggles was about six foot tall, bright red afro for hair, black and white face makeup, a giant red nose, and a lipsticked smile plastered on his face.  Duncan moved the flashlight over a little and saw him holding three balloons, and his right hand was out to reach for Duncan.  "Hello best friend!  Now I bet you wished you could go home didn't you!", Giggles squeaks out with his silly voice with his grin getting bigger and bigger.
         Duncan finally cracks a smile, followed by a short burst of tears, "YES!  I want to go home and hug my Mom and Dad.  But most important get my mean brother in big, BIG trouble!"
        Giggles eyes widen, and he honks his nose.  His grin growing even bigger as if somehow his mouth was growing more and more the longer he smiled.  "I'll get you home!  Why because it's what best friends do!  And as for your brother don't worry about him.  It's my job as your best friend to show him that you shouldn't be messed with.

                                                               TO BE CONTINUED 

Autopilot

Autopilot

Flying, stuck on this plane

Haunted by bullshit and underlying pain

Swallowing excuse after excuse 

Never-ending interpersonal abuse

Stare out the window capturing every detail of each cloud

Alone on this plane, no one else is around

Hearing my own voice over the Captain's speaker

Making a reality of my greatest fear

He's grown sick of my same #$@ different day

Adapting that mantra and accepting it as a mentality 

Expressing concern at a time we had dreams

Now I've given up, comfortable with just settling, it seems

Pissed off that all I do is #@$% around when given time

When I used to write stories and thoughts with words that rhyme

The door opens, watch myself grab a parachute and bail

Leaving me to burn in my own personal hell

Now my dreams have left I feel alone

All the blame is mine to own

Alone on this plane now I just sit there

Wondering if when the plane crashes will anyone care

I jump up ignoring the fasten your seat belt sign

Tired of hearing myself BS and whine

Running full speed at the locked pilot door

In the cockpit is my demons, my fears, and we are all going to war

I make it in and the window shows images of my life

Challenges, failures, success, children, family, friends, my beautiful wife

Pick up the mic and radio the tower

Praying I have the knowledge to get me out of this, the will power

Afraid there would be no voice on the other end

Instead the plane was filled with voices from family and every friend

All saying the same things

I NEVER needed a plane to fly, I was born with wings

Taking a moment I let that sink in

Feeling the healing within starting to begin

Taking a running start and smashing through the window

Proving to myself that I am more than a man, I am my own hero

Safely flying to the ground

Hugging my family and friends saying I love you all without making a sound

Looking up at the sky watching my autopiloted plane burst into flame

Realizing the truth after that journey I will never be the same

Writers block

Writer's Block

Black as night

Engulfed in silence

Headphones in 

Lyrics used to inspire words

Drums always started the flow of ink

Now there is nothing

Demons have finally shut up

Angels left long ago

No longer fighting with each other

Lifelong battle between the two is done

Ammo for so many stories

Basis of almost all poems 

Roots of all my ideas are now gone

Pick up a pen

Not a word is written

Doodles are made 

Letters not legible

Thoughts are now just straight and curved scratches

Blue and black nonsensical scars

On a blank white paper skin

Making sense to no one 

Not even myself

This has worked in the past

Poem after poem 

Story after story

Idea after idea

Helped me out of this rut

Now all I have is a desert of ideas

Barren thoughts

Mirages with no substance

Haunting my mind

Teasing the future

Books and books of great ideas

Just sitting on my desk

Completely afraid to touch them

Success scaring me as much as failure

Praying this works one more time

I was born to do this

Ink is in my blood

And I must get rid of this 

writer's block...  

May the force be with you

May the Force be with you

Years ago an idea came from a bearded man

With a billion dollar idea and a mullti year plan

Giving us a tale of about a galaxy long, long time ago

Creating characters we all love and we know

It was a story about a lost boy on a farm

A wise old man who kept him from harm

Posing a life long question of who actually shot first

When Han Solo and Greedo met in space bar to cure their thirst

Two droids who will always be best friends

Warning us is we don't let the wookie win we all now how it ends

Bringing us a robot voiced villain dressed all in black

Killing nameless crew members with a force choke attack

Influencing years of girls costumes of being a cinnamon roll hair bunned princess

Encouraging us all at least once to use the force to get out of a mess

In other movies we find even more characters we love with our heart

There are so many to name I'm not sure where to start

Yoda the green alien who taught us there is no try 

Teaching a very important life lesson to the Skywalker guy

Or maybe it was the bounty hunter who was gunning for Solo's head

The giant sloth named Jabba who wanted the captain of the falcon dead

Cuddly ewoks who looked like jungle clothed teddy bears

One eyed Dianoga's who live in the Death Star in it's trash lairs 

But not all characters were great sad to admit there are few that still stinks

Let us never forget Misa Jar Jar Binks

Deep down its a movie about the good and bad we all battle with

Our inner Jedi's conquering the evil Sith

So pick up a light saber red, purple, or blue

And may the force always be with you