Demons

I've been told my "Equality" post was one of my best, and I think I know why.  It's because I didn't pull any punches and I wrote from my heart and with emotion.  So I thought I would try it again to see if I get the same results.  As of right now I'm a blender full of emotions, and I thought I would attempt to channel all of them to write about inner demons and fear, and the role they play in my life, and possibly yours.  In short I'm writing from the heart from here on out. So without a further ado, I give you inner demons and fear!

I've been told in the past they would love to spend a day with my brain, but I think it would drive others mad, hell it damn near drives me insane.  We all have our inner demons and mine stay in my brain, and are extremely loud certain days, and then there are days where it seems they are exocrcised forever.  Inner demons are different for every person, for me they are the little voice in the back of my head that continually tells me I'm going to fail, you can't lift that, you'll never amount to anything, etc.  Inside my mind there is a constant never ending battle of good vs evil, and the days where I'm down is the days where evil wins.  The voices take over and just don't shut up.  They keep telling me I'm not good enough, you have to college degrees and your a manager at the Cheese, you'll never lose that weight you wanna lose, and it's on repeat for a whole day, and sometimes more.  No matter how many times I bury a hole, take my demons and throw the down to the abyss, and throw away any nearby ladders, they always find a way to crawl back to the surface.  The trick is you can't ignore them, because it takes energy to remember to ignore something, which in turn always makes it on your mind.  If everyday I went around telling myself I am good enough to counteract the demons and to make them shut up, they have already won, because they have instilled doubt into me already, and that's all they need to do to stay around.

The trick about inner demons is to acknowledge them, because they aren't going anywhere and move on.  This will enrage them because they know that you know they exist, but you're not doing a damn thing about them.  Lately my inner demons have been very loud lately, because they are trying to sabotage me, and some days they succeed.  But more days they don't do jack, because all I do is wave to them and give them the finger.  They tell me I'm not good enough, but then I just think to myself about my friends and family and how many people love me, and I know the demons are full of it.  They try telling me I'm failing at my career working at the Cheese, but then I say in a little over a year I'll hopefully be running my own store, and they tuck their tails and hide.  Then the weight demon pokes his head up, a demon I've fought all my life ever since I learned the meaning of Husky pants the hard way, and wearing a sticker to school.  The weight demons are the most hurtful, because they have taken on voices I have known in the past, of people I know and once called my friends telling me I was fat, and asking me where my top was when we went swimming.  The most powerful inner demon is the one you can relate to actual people, but that's also it's downfall.  I've accomplished a lot health wise in the last three years, and I am proud of my body, sure I don't have a rippling six pack, or giant biceps, but I like what I have done.  Every time the weight demon starts to speak up, I walk up to a mirror, and roll up my sleeves, and that shuts him up real quick.

Like I said everyone's inner demons are different, and how we deal with them is entirely different.  Some ignore them completely, some let them guide their life and blame what they do on them, some move towards other means to drown them out, and some just give in to them and let it ruin their life.  My inner demons drive me to be a better person, and that pisses them off.  I know everything they tell me on a daily basis are lies, and it eats them alive that I know that.  Every time they tell me something to bring me down, I use it as fuel to accomplish what they tell me I can't.  Which is a 100 times better than an exorcism.