And now for a little something different. I started writing a romantic comedy back in the day after my comic scripts no longer had an artist, and it felt like Defender/Super Mid Life was dead in the water. I'm not sure if I started doing poetry again by this time, so I just had a bunch of few pages started here and there for ideas. This was one of them and if people like it I might just finish it for the blog, and maybe publish later down the road. So without further adua I give you, "Speak Now"
Here I am witnessing Jon and Maria's special day. I wish I could tell you they are some of my closet friends, but the truth is I have never met them. In fact I do not know a single person in the church. I'm here for another reason. I'm telling you this first, because if you saw me first doing what I'm about to do you would form a split second opinion of me. You would drive down to your bookstore, and demand your money back. Find out my personal contact information so you can call me personally and call me a jackass, a loser, a jerk, or my favorite insult a douche nozzle. With my luck you would probably come up with better insults which I would then steal from you and use them in my own verbal warfare. But like I said I was about to do something, and like everything in life there is a reason. So if you will excuse me I have to go speak now because I'm tired of holding my peace.
Flash back, there I was standing up at the altar on one of those days that was supposed to be one of the best days of my life. Standing next to the love of my life. Looking in their eyes and dreaming of the future. I see kids, a house, a picket fence, and even a little dog down the line. No, I'm not the one dressed in lace and white, I'm the one in the tuxedo. My name is Alex, but everyone calls me Lex. My beautiful fiancee's name is Mariah. Like I said I was staring into her eyes picturing our growing love, and our future with no clue as to what was about to happen.
The preacher says, "Do you take Mariah to be your lawfully wedded wife, blah, blah, blah,blah..." He didn't actually say the blah, blah, blah part, but it just pains me reliving this eye opening moment in my life.
Like any soon to be husband whose mind is already on the wedding night I say I do not contemplating on how both of our lives just changed at that very moment. As soon as I have sealed my fate the preacher turns to the congregation and announces the famous last words of my life, "If anybody objects of Natalie and Alex becoming husband and wife speak now, or forever hold your peace."
I watch the crowd smiling like the dumb idiot I am, looking at all our friends and family, but than I spot an unfamiliar face in the crowd. It was Jason, Mariah's trainer at her gym. This guy is massive. Short brown hair, and piercing blue eyes that makes all the woman swoon over him. He stands up and I notice his biceps are the bigger than my arms, and his chiseled chest barely fits into the dress shirt he more than likely has duct taped in the back just so it could stay on. Jason boastfully says the words that make my heart sink, "I object! I love Mariah and will not stand idly by as she marries the wrong man."
Before I could turn around ask Mariah what the hell this muscle headed juicer was saying, she was gone. Into is arms. Their lips interlocked in what was supposed to be my passionate kiss. Everyone's eyes, even God's eyes could not look away from the continual stomping of my heart and love from my supposed love of my life. They just stood there making out for a good five minutes, but to me it felt like eternity. Once they finally realized what had just happened they both ran out the door, without that bitch even saying sorry. Then all their eyes turned to me.
I didn't feel anger at first, mostly embarrassment. The only way to define how embarrassed I was, is to imagine overweight midget ninjas repelling from the ceiling wielding plastic swords and rubber nun chucks. Then the fat ninjas start kicking you in the nuts, and beating you till you cry with their childlike weapons. All of this happening while your entire friends and family just watched, waiting for you to react, or fight back.
That's a pretty accurate description of how I felt.
I tried opening my mouth but no words came out. In fact not a clear, coherent thought was in my brain. Only a replay of what just happened kept playing over and over and over in my head. On top of that I was standing in front of everyone I love trying desperately not to cry and stay strong. My best man Dave was the first person to say anything to me. He leaned in and said, "Dude you might want to close your mouth. No words are coming out. Come on we will find a place to go and gather your thoughts".....
That's what I wrote years ago, but like I said if you enjoyed it please let me know. I would love to finish it. What goes on is basically Lex goes to weddings after weddings interuppting them during the "speak now" phase and tests the grooms or brides love for them. There are lots of funny antics I have planned out for him and his friends and family. So please don't be shy if you hate it let me know, and I'll go back to writing superhero novels and shark books for my kids. If you loved it I would be more than happy to try my hand at writing a romantic comedy for the guys. And if you didn't care either way, thanks for you time.
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