Circus

And now the finale.  And since people asked where the music went I got  new music for ya too :D

Circus

Cold breeze on my face.

Freedom.

Children playing.

Laughing with joy.

Sun as bright as a ball of fire.

Smiles and laughter all around.

Telling jokes that make no sense.

It all seems fake.

A past I wish was the future.

The air is replaced by dampness.

Dust.

Dry blood, sweat, and tears.

Look down at my hands.

I see blood.

Scars of a knife.

Or two.

Trying to rub it off on my pants.

Not coming off.

Permanently stained as a reminder.

Of what I have done.

For which there is  no forgiveness for.

Hopeful playful eyes.

Blue, green, brown.

Full of life.

Are killed by dead lifeless eyes.  

Eyelids stained by makeup.

By blood.

Some mine.

Mostly theirs.

Tear that were cried.

Only a few mine. 

Mostly theirs.

While pleading for me to stop.

Lifeless eyes.

Blue.

Dead.

Brown.

Dead.

Green.

Dead.

Only lifeless eyes.

No longer able to see love.

No more pain or suffering.

I am jealous of these eyes.

They escaped Hell.

Why am I still a prisoner.

I wake up.

Only a dream.

Scratch that a nightmare.

Maybe it was all a dream.

Eyesight flooded with bright white artificial light.

Blinding light that bounces off the walls attacking my eyes.

Praying I'm in Heaven.

Hands dripping with invisible blood.

Blood that is no longer there.

But once was.

Pinching myself hoping to wake up again.

Realizing I've been in my own bed this whole time.

At home.

With love, hope, and a family.

Happiness.

Feeling nothing but a sharp sting of the pinch.

No still in Hell.

In my own nightmare.

I scream for help.

No words come out.

Only laughter.

I attempt to whisper.

Giggles escape from my lips.

Running out of options I pound on the door.

Trying to break it down.

A guard pops into the window.

Doesn't utter a single word.

He just stand there and smiles at me.

Leaving me standing there wondering what is behind his smile.

Not saying a word.

Just laughs.

There is so much evil in his laugh.

As if I'm the punchline of the joke. 

The guard stares at me.

Then leaves.

Whistling while walking away.

Not a normal song.

But carnival music.

The music that has scarred my mind.

Ever since it first pierced my eardrums.

I know why he smiled.

Having no choice a smile forms on my lips.

I know why he laughs.

Doing what I only know how to do now I laugh uncontrollably.

One of the punchlines.

Certainly not the last.

I surrender and walk back to my bed.

Whistling the same tune that haunts me.

Accepting the fact I'm just another clown.

In his demented circus.