Failure

First of all I have written and rewritten this blog a thousand times in my head.  The pieces started coming together over the last month, but no matter when I sat down to type it, the words never came out.  It could be because I was afraid of the consequences.  You might be thinking this only a blog and the words from a man's mind, but to me it's a lot more.  This is my globally published pep talk I give myself, other's have told me it helps them, but in all honesty those words I type are straight from my heart and barely filtered by my brain.  They are about as raw and real you will see me communicate...for now.  I have made promises to myself in this blog, and most I have kept, some I have forgotten, and some I re read to remind myself I thought that once, so why the hell have I stopped thinking it.  But here goes the blog I have been penning my whole life without realizing it......

I fear many things in my life, and one of them is clowns.  I get a lot of crap for fearing such happy things, but who else is always smiling in all his pictures, the devil, and so do clowns, coincidence I think not.  But I didn't struggle writing a whole blog on my fear of clowns, instead it's on my second and third biggest fears: never becoming the man I was born to be, and fear of failure.  I believe every person on this planet was born and put here with a plan, and to further prove it there are people who excel in life, and those who crash and burn, and those two groups of people have fascinated me all my life.  Just think for a second of a famous person, doesn't matter why they are famous, just think about them.  Got them in your mind, good, news flash they started out just like you and me.  They figured out what God intended them to do, and did it, well!  Athlete, inventor, scientist, politician, actor, writer...it doesn't matter!!!! Those are all gifts we have been given, and some choose to embrace these gifts, while others just dream of doing it.  I have been called  a dreamer many times in my life, and truth be told I have started to hate that word being associated with me.  Dreamer's don't do anything, they sit and dream about what they could be, and never actually do it.  I'm currently living some of the dream I have dreamt for a life years ago.  I am married to a beautiful wife who is my rock and my love. am a father to three wonderful (well not always) children, and I help others which is something I have always done since I can remember and I love doing.  But no where in my dream it told me to settle on doing something where I wasn't challenged.

     
      The world needs dreamers to think up great ideas, but without the doers of the world those ideas just remain ideas and never come into fruition.  I want my name to be synonymous with the word "doer" as it is with the word "dreamer" as of right now.  To the people who know me know two things, I love a challenge and I will always help you if you need it.  But the thing is I love challenging other people and helping others with advice, but I rarely, damn near never follow my own advice, or challenge myself.  I sit and play it safe, but I have come to realize that people who play it safe, don't succeed in anything.  People fail all the time, and it's the ones who get back up, dust themselves off, and learn from their mistakes are the ones who live life!  Not the ones who wait for a store to be built, and just wait in the shadows until your handed  the keys to what you settled for.  I'm so sick of being that guy, and it angers me that my own fear of failure has made me that guy.  The fear of failure is my own inner kryptonite and it cripples me into fear of not doing anything, because I might fail.  We all hate to fail and feel like that our best wasn't good enough, but I think the most worst feeling is the feeling of doing nothing.  For example, one of the hardest things a person has to do is tell the person who they like that they love them.  As soon as those words are said the bombshell has been dropped, and no matter what tv and movies tell us, those words do change lives, and there's no taking them back.  If I was afraid to tell my wife those words over 10 years ago, I wouldn't be writing this right now.  But I am a better man for taking a risk and getting over that fear.

     Now comes the heavy part I made a promise to myself that whatever I write in this blog will be promise the whole world can see me making.  So here goes a very important promise that I will have all of you read this help me fulfill.  I know for a fact that God didn't create me to have me settle on being a manager, because I know deep down I'm intended for more than that.  How do I know this because writing has always been a part of my life, even when I strayed far from it it's the one thing that has always come back to my life.  As well as helping people, giving out advice, and being the ears when people want to unload.  So I promise to myself to get over my fear of failure and to stop making excuses, and write!  I also promise  to never stop mentoring and or helping others.  One of my closest friends told me that my niceness is the strangest thing about me, and I asked her why do you say that?  She told me its because you do so much for others and don't ask for anything in return, and she asked me why.  The truth is I don't know, I just do.  I've tried being mean and I just can't do it.  So long story short ballsy moves used to not be my forte, but I'm making them my endgame now.  I promise I will write more and mentor and help others more, why because I believe those are the gifts God has given me to become the man who I was destined to be, and to stop being a dreamer, and start being a doer!