Winter Tears

Winter Tears

If I wrote this poem with pen and paper

Tears would fall

Smearing the ink

Making letters and words incoherent and hard to read

Becoming my thoughts as I lie awake in the dark

Afraid to stop and think

Calmness brings emotion

Emotions bring winter tears...

It was mid November, a week before Thanksgiving

Facebook memories can really suck

Reminding you a year ago is when it all started

Asking friends and family for prayers

Nobody asking why 

But you remember

And will never forget

Emotions bring winter tears...

One less seating at the table 

Your voice and smile no longer around

Holidays are hard when you lose a loved one

Illusions of happiness 

Around a broken family

Sadness hovering over us like a black cloud

Forming bigger and bigger in anticipation of a storm

Emotions bring winter tears...

Every hug I now give is a little bit tighter and longer

Since you can't be here to hug them back

Saying I love you is a little louder

For the same reason

Everyone tells you to think of the good memories

And don't worry he's looking down on you right now

Doesn't fight the sadness

Emotions bring winter tears...

It's almost been a year 

Since I hugged you 

Said I loved you 

And played our song 

One last time

Eyes watering at the start of the song

Every time I hear it

Emotions bring winter tears...

The Masks We Wear

The masks we wear

How does one define the word mask

A partial cover for the face used for disguise

Masks can hide so many things

Bring out something else in others

Sometimes they are a reflection of how we really feel inside

Blood stained lips

Scar enveloped face

Boils and warts protruding all over

Grotesque and terrifying are the only words that come to mind

The children squeal with glee

As they say trick or treat

Some wear masks

So the human can become a monster

Mascara wand hits the lashes

Scarlet kissable lips

Perfectly shadowed eyelids

Rosy peach colored cheeks

A spritz of the perfume and brushing of the hair

A smile that could melt hearts

Some wear masks

To emphasize their true beauty

Cold emotionless eyes

A smile that no one should trust

But everyone does

Lies and empty promises roll off their tongue

Reasons why we fear our neighbor

And trust so little of people

Some wear masks

So the monster can appear to be human

Tears falling from their soul

Smiles that cover so much pain

Day in and day out refusing to quit

Saying we are fine and ok

As if trying to convince ourselves

And no one else

Some wear masks

To appear strong when all they feel is weak

We all have our own masks that we wear

Hoping they don’t become our actual face

Journey

Journeys

Defined as an act of traveling from one place to another

In reality, it so much deeper than that

They can take days, months, years

Even lifetimes

Weird for such a complex word

To be explained in such simple words

How can we define a word

When we ourselves our defined by our 

Journeys

They can be taken with others

Walking side by side 

Sometimes carrying ones who hurt

And other time you yourself

Will be carried

Happiness and joy 

When with others

Sadness and pain 

When the footsteps walk the other way

Or even worse 

Existing only in our hearts and souls

There are millions of reasons why we go on journeys

Choices we make ourselves

To make us stronger 

A better person

Happy and sad circumstances 

Forcing fates hand

Giving us millions of moments

Other times 

Robbing us of memories 

We will never experience

Everyone's journey is different

There is a different God's plan for everybody 

We are consonantly weaving in and out of other's stories

Hopefully for the good and to inspire

Sometimes sadly to hurt and cause pain 

World constantly judges all

Not realizing the demons we face 

Day in and day out

Personal battles we have fought inside 

Some won 

Some lost

Obstacles we have overcome 

Or failures so bad 

We quit

Step by step 

Tear by tear, smile by smile

We must go on in our journey 

Seeking the true definition of journey 

Change within ourselves

Without that change

You are just traveling one place to another 

  

Monster

Scratching behind my closet door

Snarls from underneath my bed

Red glowing eyes reflected in the mirror

Figures running by my night light

Shadowed creatures dancing on my wall

Hunting me on hind legs

I'm so scared 

Want to hug my teddy 

And feel safe

He's nowhere to be found

Bury my eyes in the covers

Closing my eyes

Crying silently 

Don't want the monsters to hear

Hiding under his dark bed

Listening to him cry

Fear only makes them tastier

Under the covers

Slowly cooking himself

Can already feel his tears

Quenching my thirst

Must be quiet this time

Was almost caught in the past

Remember cover his mouth 

So he can't scream for help

Time to change back.

Must be brave 

Brave like teddy tells me 

When he wipes away my tears

I need to find him

So the monsters don't eat him too 

Throw my pillow to the closet

That's where I last heard a sound

Reach down while the monsters are distracted

Feel his brown fur

I found teddy 

Now I will be safe

He will protect me 

I hug him tight 

Praying to make it through the night

I feel his arms around me

Hugging me tight

I start to whisper in a sweet voice

I'll protect you and you are safe

I feel his lips kiss my forehead

And telling me thank you 

This is too easy 

Easily devour him 

Can't hold my hunger for much longer

I will just wait for him to close his eyes

Than I will feast...

Hollywood Moments! Part 1

We sit in the darkness of the theater, debating to start eating our overpriced snacks.  The soda filled 3/4 of the top with ice so they don't give you too much soda.  Playing the should I go to the bathroom game before the movie starts game in our heads.  Or maybe you are snuggled on the couch, or in your bed next to your loved one cozy fighting off the inevitable nodding off to sleep, and then denying till the cows come home you weren't snoring or sleeping, but looking at the screen you don't remember that character ever showing up. We watch movies to escape, and see things that don't happen in our lives, but truth is everything we watch on the big screen happens in an essence in our lives.  I know what your thinking; you don't remember fighting space aliens, having a masked killer try to stab you in the closet, or remember singing songs about ANYTHING and having animals sing and talk to you during the chorus.  Those exact scenes we hopefully never have to live through, but each and every day the aspects of those events happen everyday!

Just like a movie crew we also have a full credits of our lives.  Our main characters are ourselves and the family and friends who stick by our side no matter what. The supporting characters of our lives the people who we meet in our lives and have a huge impact on our lives at one time, but one for reason or the other, they no longer show up. They teach us their lesson and play their role and move on. Then we have the extras.  The random people we meet while living.  People we went to school with, co workers that we barely worked with, or the random friendly person who strikes up a conversation. I am not saying that the extras aren't important in our lives, because I truly believe in my heart that every person we meet in our lives, is because the Director has put them in our paths. Now this is where I'm about to blow your minds, because we play all those roles simultaneously throughout our lives but not in our moves, but others.  We might see ourselves as  a hero in our story, but in someone else's you are straight up the villain. And the only way we can change our roles in any movie we are starring in, guest starring in, or just walking though is by being the best we can be.

A movie is not just the actors though. An actor is nothing without a great director, writer, and producer to help bring them the project to be in. To start off we have many jobs on the movie set that is our lives. Let's break down the roles real quick. The first and foremost behind the scenes role that we have no part in is the Director. We are not the Director, he is, God. He puts the people in our lives, helps coincidences happen, gives us strength when all we wanna do is give up, creates miracles where there is no more hope, and etc. Now this might piss some people off, but we are the writers of our movie. The director gives us the characters and we determine what we will do with them, but we don't write their lines, because they are the stars of their own movie. We are all interweaved into one giant movie, the movie that the Director is directing. As for the producer that is a role we share throughout our lives, starting off with our parents who helped support us when we were younger, than transitioning over to us as we get older, and if you are married then the title will be shared among the both of you. 

Now that we have the characters of our movie we have to get into the writing of the stories. The moments that make our movie memorable.  But that's for the sequel.

To Be Continued...

2.5 Years....

It's been 2.5 years since I've posted anything to my blog. I logged on today, and saw two drafts of blogs that have never been posted.  One was a poem about music, and the other is one that will never see the light of day.  The mystery of why the blog has been so void of new content is quite simple, I was afraid to write.  I know that might sound weird hearing a person who calls himself a writer, being afraid to pick up a pen, but it's true.  It's easy to write when you are in a constant battle with your inner demons, and not sure if your life will ever change.  Being stuck in a place and not feeling like you are never going any where is a lot of fuel to keep the ink flowing.  When you move on from that dark place, you are afraid to pick back up that pen in fear of going back to that same place, or even worse you find out the ink flowed so freely because it was the only way to deal with the internal pain.  So here's to show the world that I can write as good, or hopefully better now that I'm in a different place in my life. 

     Like I said it's 2.5 years since I actually sat down and wrote something to post.  My pen has been moving and have been writing, but 9/10 the only eyes that see those words are mine.  I entered a writing contest with two stories, but didn't get chosen to get them published.  I guess once again the rest of the world is not ready for the sense of humor, and or writing stylings of me.  If I could go back in time and chat with myself while writing another superhero poem, I have a feeling I would freak out.  One the huge change would be the facial hair my current self would be sporting, which in turn would make my past self think I am from the darkest timeline.  (Community Reference).  I would tell him a few things.  The first thing I would tell him is there is a light at the end of the Cheese tunnel.  At that time I felt like I would never leave, and all signs pointed to that happening.  I would tell myself hold on a little longer, and new opportunities will open up.  I would not tell him what, but I would tell him it's all for the best for everyone around you, family, friends, and most importantly yourself.  I would also tell him the people around you who you are talking to daily, will be become silent, but not to worry because there are people you haven't met yet, or people from the past will come back and fill that void that they will leave.  Life is funny that way, people come into our lives, have a huge impact, and then one day they are no longer there.  Don't be bitter they are gone, just remember the good times with them.  

     I would not give myself any hints of the journey I have taken to get to where I am today, because that journey has made me the person I am today.  Life is full of rough patches, and inner and outer battles that make us stronger when we are done. God's plan is funny that way.  If we pray for strength, God does not give us muscles, He gives us the chance to show how strong we truly are.  And in the past I did pray for strength, and He provided.  And that was when we weren't even talking as much as we do now.  I would tell myself thought that scouts would become a huge part in my life, and your son is actually going to enjoy going to it.  After my past self was done falling on the floor laughing,  I would look him in the face and say I wouldn't lie to myself, in the future you stop doing that!  

      I'm not sure where I wanted to go with the blog honestly, I just know I wanted to see if I could pick up a pen without my inner demons being the reason the ink is flowing.  I'll let you be the judge.  Super Mid Life will come out before I die, hopefully, but in the mean time Nightmares will come out before that.  A collection of the scary stories I have written in the past and ones I haven't written yet.  My blog won't be silent this year hopefully, I have so many more stories and poems to write.  And I promise they won't all be about clowns or superheroes.  

   

Heroes

Heroes

Wear a mask

Hiding their true identity

Protecting their friends and family

And themselves

Put on a cape

To find the strength

Get knocked down a hundred times

Standing up 101 times

Hiding their greatest fears

Even heroes know when to be scared

Constantly fighting the good fight

Cut them and they will bleed

Far from bulletproof

Hiding the scars from their inner battles

Wounds from the war

Haunted by the ghosts of the victims they were unable to save

Knees always buckling

From carrying the world on their shoulders

Saving the day after day, night and night

It's okay for heroes to cry

Villains walking around in real life

Most dangerous ones exist in our mind

Disguised as self doubt

Manifested in nightmares

Feeding on insecurities

Love is needed to survive

As much as oxygen and water

Superpowers coming from the soul

And deep within the heart

All heroes are human....