2.5 Years....

It's been 2.5 years since I've posted anything to my blog. I logged on today, and saw two drafts of blogs that have never been posted.  One was a poem about music, and the other is one that will never see the light of day.  The mystery of why the blog has been so void of new content is quite simple, I was afraid to write.  I know that might sound weird hearing a person who calls himself a writer, being afraid to pick up a pen, but it's true.  It's easy to write when you are in a constant battle with your inner demons, and not sure if your life will ever change.  Being stuck in a place and not feeling like you are never going any where is a lot of fuel to keep the ink flowing.  When you move on from that dark place, you are afraid to pick back up that pen in fear of going back to that same place, or even worse you find out the ink flowed so freely because it was the only way to deal with the internal pain.  So here's to show the world that I can write as good, or hopefully better now that I'm in a different place in my life. 

     Like I said it's 2.5 years since I actually sat down and wrote something to post.  My pen has been moving and have been writing, but 9/10 the only eyes that see those words are mine.  I entered a writing contest with two stories, but didn't get chosen to get them published.  I guess once again the rest of the world is not ready for the sense of humor, and or writing stylings of me.  If I could go back in time and chat with myself while writing another superhero poem, I have a feeling I would freak out.  One the huge change would be the facial hair my current self would be sporting, which in turn would make my past self think I am from the darkest timeline.  (Community Reference).  I would tell him a few things.  The first thing I would tell him is there is a light at the end of the Cheese tunnel.  At that time I felt like I would never leave, and all signs pointed to that happening.  I would tell myself hold on a little longer, and new opportunities will open up.  I would not tell him what, but I would tell him it's all for the best for everyone around you, family, friends, and most importantly yourself.  I would also tell him the people around you who you are talking to daily, will be become silent, but not to worry because there are people you haven't met yet, or people from the past will come back and fill that void that they will leave.  Life is funny that way, people come into our lives, have a huge impact, and then one day they are no longer there.  Don't be bitter they are gone, just remember the good times with them.  

     I would not give myself any hints of the journey I have taken to get to where I am today, because that journey has made me the person I am today.  Life is full of rough patches, and inner and outer battles that make us stronger when we are done. God's plan is funny that way.  If we pray for strength, God does not give us muscles, He gives us the chance to show how strong we truly are.  And in the past I did pray for strength, and He provided.  And that was when we weren't even talking as much as we do now.  I would tell myself thought that scouts would become a huge part in my life, and your son is actually going to enjoy going to it.  After my past self was done falling on the floor laughing,  I would look him in the face and say I wouldn't lie to myself, in the future you stop doing that!  

      I'm not sure where I wanted to go with the blog honestly, I just know I wanted to see if I could pick up a pen without my inner demons being the reason the ink is flowing.  I'll let you be the judge.  Super Mid Life will come out before I die, hopefully, but in the mean time Nightmares will come out before that.  A collection of the scary stories I have written in the past and ones I haven't written yet.  My blog won't be silent this year hopefully, I have so many more stories and poems to write.  And I promise they won't all be about clowns or superheroes.