There are many tests of love but distance is one of the greatest ones and sadly destroys many loves. Distance can be anything from being in another country, another state, or just not seeing enough of each other. But if you truly love someone and have them in your heart, where they belong to be, the distance between you two are just meaningless numbers. Missing someone is ok, in fact its encouraged, but the one thing you can not do, i repeat can not do, is put your life on hold for someone to return, I'm not saying go out and date, I'm saying go out and live life, with that person you miss in your mind and your heart, but without them weighing you down.
It's easy to focus on the bad when someone is gone, the cold bed, the missed hugs, the constant warmth that used to be there before distance put you apart, but all that does is make you sad, and possibly depressed if you let it get the best of you. The trick is to remember all the things that made you fall in love with that person who is not there at the moment, and plan to recreate them the next time you see them. Kiss them like it was your first kiss, hug a little bit longer, plan a surprise that they won't see coming, just basically wow them off their feet showing them yes you missed them, but you didn't dwell on it and their absence didn't ruin your life.
Also a trick to do before they leave is to get mementos of your love and always keep them with you. Whether it be a pillow or shirt that smells like the one you love, possibly a mixtape (showing my age) or playlist of songs you choose together that remind you of three things, you, them, and your love together. And add that to both of your music devices. So if you get a chance you can each play a song together at the same time and feel like you are within the same moment, without you two actually being next to each other. Music has the ability to bridge distance, and also has a way to bond with ones heart, and if you are both listening to it at the same time you in theory built a bridge to each others hearts.
Distance can kill a relationship if you let it. If you let your heart wander due to wanting love from missing it so long, you will not feel that true of love ever again. In fact you will be training your heart to love until love is no longer there, and then move on. Which may be needed, but in most cases it is not. Our stories have been written already and we are just living it. I truly believe this. Everything in my life has happened for a reason, and the distance issue I have felt has made me a stronger, emotional, and self inspiring person. Without distance there would be no blog, and my mind would be bored and possibly dumber. Every love deserves to be tested, in fact it must to see how strong it is. And distance is the greatest test, and if love is true on both ends, in each others hearts, than there is no distance between you two that will destroy the love you have for each other.
Life is full of very important moments, but the moments that stand out are the ones that change you drastically/ For instance that moment you graduate and start your dream job (still hasn't happened yet for me), that moment you become a parent (one I will never forget), and that moment you fall in love and realize this person is the one (the moment that made me who I am). Many people ask couples at what moment did you realize that this person was the one. Now I can't speak for others, but I can tell you mine. The single moment that let me know my wife was the one was when I realized I was dating my best friend and I realized I would be blessed if I was able to spend the rest of my life with her. My mom knew from the beginning of us dating for two reasons, one I never waited by the window for any of the other dates I went on (i still remember sitting on the gray couch in the living room waiting for her to pull up.), and two my mom said I quote, I really like Abbey. And if I tell you how my mom said it my mom would kill me. Love you mom!
When we grow up we tell our children certain moments or memories about our previous life before kids to describe what love was when it was young. That first kiss we had as a couple. The little surprises here and there. Your wedding, and the safe parts of the honeymoon ;). Because children are curious about who we were before they came along, and those moments are what makes you grow and love grow stronger when you get older. I remember every single detail of our first kiss. For one reason it was my last first kiss with anyone else, and I knew that moment as soon as our lips parted she was the one. I don't believe in love at first sight, the only thing I believe in is love because moments. The moments we will never forget and make live on in a daily basis.
The thing about moments is you can't force them. That's what people don't realize. If love isn't moving forward naturally move on, because if you force it becomes a lie. When life full of great moments it is very important to help relive them. By sharing them, or trying to recreate them. You will never have that magic of the first kiss again, so it's up to you to make the next one even better. Every kiss has the opportunity to knock socks off and takes breathes away, but only if you put your full heart and soul into it, which every kiss with your true love should have. Make a new moment every chance you get, because every new moment is a chance at a new great story to tell later down the road.
We all have loved ones we have lost parents, siblings, grandparents, relatives, friends and etc. And when they are taken from you at that time you usually question Why! Why them? Why did You take them away from me? I know because I've asked that question to many times in my life, and never really got an answer until a week ago, well in actuality I was probably given the answer years ago, but never fully understood it. Before we go any further I'm going to lay it out on the line that I will not touch on religion and if you are or are not a religion you won't go to heaven, (i've been told that a few times :P). I just laugh at those people because I believe deep down if you are a good person and spend more time in your life helping others, more than helping yourself in the long run there will always be a spot for you upstairs. At least I hope so...fingers are crossed.
They say you die twice, the first time is when your heart stops, and the second is when your name is spoken or thought of for the last time. I don't buy that quote at all. The first part is a given, but I think the second part never happens. Every person in this world touches lives in a way either positively or negatively, and the way you have been affected by that person always stays with you through memories, sure they may be distant memories, but they are somewhere in your mind. Whether it be of your uncle calling you up once a week to ask you three simple questions before he talked to your Mom; 1. How's work? 2. How's the girl situation? and 3. Clog any toilets lately? Then go into detail about what he had to do get some of his down. I miss those phone calls. Or it might be your Grandpa taking you to the Funspot with your sister almost every sunday when most of the other kids were at Church to play mini golf. Those memories stay with us forever, and get passed down through us without us even realizing it, through our everyday actions, the way we act, to the way we talk, and to the people we become, eventually, and hopefully.
I was in church a few weeks ago and Father told a story about a boy who died and went to heaven, but then the doctors brought him back. His Dad asked him what was heaven like were there a lot of people there, and the child responded all he saw were children. Which brings me to two conclusions one, if we die before teenagers we're going to heaven, or two in heaven we revert to our most innocent form, child. Which if you are a parent you know most children aren't that innocent. :) But I believe that is mostly part 2 with a twist. I believe you are reverted to child like form in heaven because God reuses your best parts of you when you are alive and redistributes them to your family, to make sure that they are never forgotten. For instance my uncle had massive poops, all three of my kids clog our toilets. And my Uncle never knew a stranger and I strive to be the same way, seeing the good in people and refusing to believe that they had bad in them. I was about ten and we were sitting in my Uncles pick up in McDonald's parking lot and we saw a homeless man with a sign that said "need money", instead of my uncle giving him money he bought him a meal and gave it to him, the man then threw it in the trash and moved on, my Uncle smiled and got in the car and drove off. And we never talked about it on the way home. Because I believe he just wanted to forget the negative response he just received and move on. And that's what he did.
The funny thing about life and death is one always follows the other. After life comes death hopefully way far down the road, but ones where it is unexpected and sudden I believe that is His way of giving a gut check showing us how life is so precious and not to waste it. So the Why? I finally understood of why He takes people from us is very simple it helps us grow and teaches us that life is precious, and to live every moment. We need to learn from their lives, and either apply what they did if they got it right, or change a few things that would needed changing to make it right. I have said in the past we are the result of our ancestors before us, how else can you explain people saying that's something your grandpa would say, or you look just like your great great grandma. You could explain it with genes for the looks, or overhearing your parents for similar saying and intelligence for the grandpa quote, but I know deep down it is more than that. God chose what He wanted to pass down to either brighten our lives, or enrich the lives of others. He gave us those gifts as well as the ones he chosen for us, and it is our duty to share all of them with the world, so the memory and lives of our loved ones who have moved up are never forgotten.
Before I step up on my social rant box and release some steam about communication I thought I'd give you a lil tease of whats to come this month. First of all I officially declare April the month of love for my blog because it's a month before my anniversary :), and also there is just so much you can write about such a wonderful thing. The plan is to have blogs about: the moment you know, past loved ones that have moved on, distance, and ********(in all honestly I have no idea what the last one will be). Also one or two poems in between about love and the lessons it teaches us. Now let's start ranting now that I have set up my homework for the month.
Side note this song should be called text me maybe!
I feel sorry for our generation and future generations for a few reasons, but the one I'm going to touch on most is the devolution of communication. We are constantly connected to each other technologically don't get me wrong, but what is missing now is the human touch of communication. And I'm not saying I'm innocent of not doing any of the things that piss me off, but what pisses me off is I partake in them, which in a way makes it seem I'm ok with it, but deep down it saddens me I do it.
First of all the text message. I abuse this more than anything because it is so easy to send out a quick text, then it is to call someone because one they can't answer the phone, or two you are just being lazy. Usually it's a double dose of both. It seems the phone call has been downgraded to appointment making, stupid question asking (work I'm looking at you!), or holiday relative talk. I'll be honest if I get a phone call I will hit ignore sometimes then text them whats up, because it's so much easier to respond that way, and then there's not that awkwardness that seems to be lingering in phone calls. When's the last time you made a call to a friend, before you texted them. Usually the order is text first wait ten minutes, text again, then finally call. If we made that phone call first chances are we might get a text back saying I'm in school and I'll call you when I'm done, or something along that nature. But no we skip to the easy way, and result to the personal way only in desperation, and not the other way around.
Now cell phones, it seems everyone today has a cell phone, and I swear the other day I saw a toddler ordering clothes for herself on Babys R Us on her Iphone. Cell phones have ruined now personal communication. Before if you hung out with a friend, before the invention of the cell phone, you actually hung out with them, not spent half the time checking your phone, or texting your other friends who haven't taken the time out at that moment to hang out with you. The only exception I see is if you are texting a friend who is supposed to be meeting up to hang out, and you are wondering where he is at, but if thats the case CALL! Because if he's driving to meet you at the movies, he shouldn't be texting to respond, because you might cause him to get a ticket which will make him even later, so call! Also kids now a days will never realize the horror of calling their crushes house and having their parents answer the phone, and then quickly gain the ability to come up with a quick white lie and say you are calling to see if she got the homework assignment in math class. Those calls helped build confidence and strong communication skills, and the beginning of awkward silences on phone calls. But not only that you also perfected the trick of picking up the phone and listening to conversations on the other line without anyone noticing ninja style, unless you breathed too hard, or mom was yelling at you take out the garbage. Then came the yelling of DANE!!! over the phone, sorry Sis I love you!!!! With everyone having cell phones that eliminates that crucial part of growing up.
Now Facebook! Before you go off on me saying I'm on Facebook a lot please hear me out. One I love facebook for the ability to share with all your friends, and some I only see online or once in a while at work. But also I love how I have become friends with someone who once tried to fight me, and I think without Facebook that wouldn't be possible. Online social media gives you the option to post things you wouldn't have guts to say in real life, whether it be you don't want to sound coming off cheesy, or it might be because you have the option to delete it and change it if people get pissed off about your opinion. If you say something to a person chances are they usually will remember what you said. The chances of them remembering a status calling so and so a slut a month ago, will more than likely be forgotten, due to peoples huge news streams! But if you call Suzy a slut to someones face, they have the option of saying you said to my face Suzy is a slut and I was there. Also with how fast social media can spread a rumor that would take a school day to get around now has the ability to get around in seconds. For example if you post, Tim cheated on Suzy (I don't hate Suzy's I swear) with Tony, you now have to fires started. One Tim is a cheating scumbag, and Tim and Tony are now both out of the closet. This could spread instantaneously now, but back in the day before the invention of social media it get around a little bit to people realize Suzy started the rumor to get back at Tom because he dumped her for cheating on him. Lesson that is hopefully learned here is learn the truth before spreading it.
That pic pretty much explains communication, and I might add it says Call not text. So here's my challenge to you, and I will take up this challenge too. Put down the phone when you are with friends. If you see that little light blinking saying you have a notification or hear the Zelda sound go off (my phone), don't check it right away and respond (unless its the wife, then do or suffer the consequences!). That text, facebook comment, email ain't going anywhere, but the time someone has put aside to hang out with you has.
p.s. Do notes even get passed in class anymore!!! And if not another crucial moment of growing up has died ! :(
I lied about the next blog post being about communication because well a poem came to me. But it will be next I promise Keisha! Then comes part 5-8 of love!! Revisiting it like last year in April with a post every week. Be prepared because I have some good stuff planned.
You!
You were born with a purpose.
With only shoes you can fill.
Dreams to be made into a reality,
Challenges to overcome.
People you are destined to help.
And others who are there to teach you lessons.
There is a reason for you!
Being the best version of you is hard I know.
I know its true.
But you are the only one who can do it,
You have all the power to become the best version of yourself.
Whether it be losing weight.
Smiling more.
Dreaming less.
Living more.
Loving life and living life.
All that power is in you.
There is a reason for you!
Others may tell you that you are insignificant/
That we as a whole are just here just because.
That is because they are here to teach us a lesson.
To listen with love and live life.
And ignore the haters, because they have the hardest time finding themselves.
With hate in your heart you only become a shadow of yourself.
With love in your heart you become a beaming light that radiates on others.
