Balance

First things first, if I blogged last night or even this morning I would of been breaking my no blogging when angry rule, so I'm glad I held off on it.  Because the longer I let this idea simmer in my head it actually came into the shape you are about to read about.  And also there will be another blog on Valentines Day about love letters, because well it's Valentine's Day or VD for short and I'm a romantic :).  So without further ado, I give you my analysis on balance and how it affects our lives!

The secret to life is very simple, it's balance.  Life is full of balance either way the dark and the light side, and when either side gets overloaded it distorts reality and we see things as either everything is against or us, or the world is too fricking full of sunshine and unicorns that this can't all possibly be true.  I know because I've had a ton of both days.  This weekend was hell for me, actually it wasn't just the weekend, but complaining about it won't do jack.  Every where I looked I saw black and no white in sight, and when that happens you must make a a decision amongst yourself, either give in the darkness, or since you can't find out light YOU must shine the light and offset the balance.  That's what I realized this afternoon, I was determined that this weekend was going to suck because that's how my week was mostly going in my eyes, so why would anything change.  So life decided to make my prediction come true and throw everything my way, and honestly I came very close to just throwing in the towel and just letting it all out, But then I decided to show life the middle finger so to speak, smiled, and decided to be the light that was missing.

     Everyone asks do you think your glass is half empty or half full, my answer from now on will be simple, who the HELL drank my water in the first place, and did they get their germs on my glass.  Very simply put its your glass of water, not anyone elses, and we all do our own thing with our glasses.  Me I like to stick a straw in it sometimes and blow bubbles and make a fun mess of things, or other times just pick up the glass and throw it hard against the wall and see if it will break.  And if it breaks I clean up the mess, and grab my plastic Hulk slurpee cup and refill the water and start all over.  In a nutshell you decide in your life what to do, and you, and only you have the ability to change it, but only if you truly want to.  Saying you want to lose weight, write a book, go to the gym, run a marathon, are greats things to say, but saying them won't make them come true.  You must do them to make them come true.  And I'll tell you what every little step you make towards that goal your reaching for get's easier and easier.  I was watching myself in the mirror at the gym and I was just looking at myself realizing I had no idea how much I've changed throughout the years.  The reason for the change is very simple, I took my water and I drank from it without anyone asking me if it was half empty or etc, and if it was empty I got up and refilled it myself, and if others were thirsty I would get them their own cup and encourage them to take a sip, and take control of their destiny.  

     When life seems out of balance its because you have given it a chance to become that way, whether you know it or not.  The balance of your life should only rely on one person, and that one person is you.  Sure we may get wobbly here and there, we might fall down, and when those events occur that's where friends and family come into play to give your a helping hand.  Tell you go get back up, lean more to the right or left, and just breathe.  You should never rely on someone to keep your own balance, because that same person who you're relying on has to keep their own balance.  People asked me if I went insane today at work and for one reason I went from mopey, depressed, down right grumpy, to borderline psychotic sarcastic happiness in a flip of the switch.  You can be sad that you cut your tip of the thumb off, dug through trash for no reason, printers not working, dough running out, but being sad and angry about it doesn't do anything, in fact the only thing it does it make it easier to keep loading up on you and slowly, slowly push all that weight down on you, and hurt you really bad.  To change the balance all you do is very simple, be the light where there is only darkness it seems, grab your glass of water (maybe throw it against the wall a few times), and swing the balance of your life in the right direction.  The only person who controls your own inner pendulum is you so swing away, and carry on, because I promise life will get better if you believe it will.  

What's the point

I was going to explain a little about this one, but I just thought I'd throw it out there instead!

What's the Point

Everyday we go through our lives doing little things here and there.

And sometimes we ponder why we do the things we do.

There's not a single day where I don't ask myself one question.

What's the point.

What's the point of being nice when you see others around you doing the opposite.  

Saying hello.

Sending a smile.

Simple thank you and your welcome seem to be lost in the world today,

Niceness is always overshadowed by the unkind.

And to that I ask what's the point?

What's the point of setting goals so high?

Higher than the sky.

Dreaming big and never small.

Aiming to become someone past your potential.

To set the bar so high you need a rocket to reach it.

To challenge ourselves and others around us to see our true strength.

Dreams are made to come true.

Goals are made to met.

Becoming our greatest self is everyone's reason in life.

Many just settle for mediocrity.

And to that I ask what's the point.

What's the point of demanding change in the world.

People complain and complain a lot.

Their voices go unheard and fall on deaf ears.

Asking for all the problems to be solved, but not lifting a finger to help.

Empty actions are just as worse as empty words.

Many speak of change in the world. but they themselves do not display that change they demand.

And to that I ask what's the point.

What's the point of just floating through life.

Denying love and abandoning it.

Live in a shallow pit of despair and not in the light.

Being emotionless.

Not caring.

Hiding your true self.

If you're not living life and being yourself.

And to that I ask what is the point.

There are points to every little thing in life.

All it takes is a little exploration.

Why we do the things we do?

Why we say the things we say?

Every thing you do has a point.

If you do things that do not have a point or help others.

I ask you, what is the point! 

What if

First of all if I posted this blog earlier this week when I was planning to it would of have a way different tone.  Much more negative, but since I let it simmer and roll around in my brain it became more organic.  The anger is still there, but there is more hope in it now.  For those who wanted a poem I will post it tomorrow, because thinking way too much is like doing a three hour full body workout for my mind.  And with that I leave you with the start.... What if?!

All through your life you ask yourself many questions, and many start with the words "what if".  What if I go to school, What if I get a girlfriend/boyfriend, What if I want kids, What if I want to lose weight etc...  It's amazing that those two words have such a prominent role in our life, and our decision making.   A deep analysis usually follows and if the action to accomplish it is too high or great, we throw it to the side.  Or attempt it for a little while and go back to the way things used to be.  A great example is January is the highest sign up month for Gym memberships, and attendance is good for about two to three weeks.  But by the fourth week usually the gym is a ghost town once again, and to me its sad.  Because every person who joined up in the month asked themselves this one question, "What if I lose weight and have more energy will I look better?", but they should of worded it "When I go the gym...."  As powerful as the words "what if" are, they can't handle a candle to the words "when I!"

     Now I'm going to ask you some hypothetical questions, but don't be alarmed they're not hinting towards anything, just some inner deep thinking points to look at.

1. What if the man who everyone talks to stopped listening?  

       Everybody has issues in life and everybody wants a person to tell them to.  Whether it be a friend, spouse, professional, or a complete stranger.  And unless that person is a real jerk they will listen.  For example I feel I have a sign on my head, or my picture is up on Facebook somewhere saying "just talk and this guy will listen" , which I'm fine with people I know and love, but complete strangers its a little awkward.  I got my hair done the other day and my stylist went on about her problems.  I came very close to asking for a free haircut, and a 30.00 counseling fee.  She went on about her roommates, drug problems, teenage pregnancy, and her moving.  To say it was awkward would be an understatement, but it shows that God gave me ears and a brain, and to be the kind of superhero he wants me to be I  have to use both.    My question to you is when that person stops listening will you lend the world and your ears to help comfort.

2. What if a Super-hero hangs up his cape?

      Everybody has the ability to be a superhero inside you just have to find your power, but what would happen if the hero everyone looks up to hangs up his cape.  No longer flies the skies, lifts the cars, keeps the world turning, and saves kitties stuck in trees.  Hero's are humans too, and even though Superman is from another planet, his core is human.  Hero's cry, yell, smile, have inner and outer battles, good days, and bad days, but still everyone expects them to put a smile on, and go save the world once again.  People get upset if a hero shows one sign of human in them, because we all look up to them, and are afraid if a hero has one down day it shows they are not bulletproof.  The truth is most heroes have had more bad days then good, and that is what who makes them to be who they are today.  I could bore you with super hero orgins for pages upon pages, but instead I'll let you pick your favorite hero, and have you think how they came to be.  Got it, good, heroes are born through adversity.  And what do we all face through out our life, adversity, and the more we overcome adversity, the harder it gets, and the closer you get to superhero status. And when it is time for the hero that everyone looks up to see, decides to hang up his cape, I pray that you will pick up those tights and be the hero that the world will be missing.

3.  What if God give's us so many signs, but then stops when we don't act?

    This past weekend I had three drastically different days.  Saturday was fine until the hell hit, Sunday was awesome, and Monday was just a day.  Not good, nor bad, just there.  I might be over analyzing this, but I believe days like that are the clearest signs, and if we don't take notice they will stop.  I know I will have crap days, great days, and just days. but when its the point where all the days are just days, there's no point anymore.  Crap days are a great tool to learn from and to challenge you, great days are the rewards for the crappy days, and the just days are the days where your to tired to see the lesson or the reward in that given day.  Everyday I wake up with the intention of sitting down and writing my book, writing my ticket out of the Cheese, but one thing always stops me, fear.  Fear to fail, but what if we didn't have that fear.  I will answer you that the world would be filled with crap!  You might think that is a little harsh but hear me out.  Those who overcome that fear of failure have proven to me they deserve to be heard, because if you overcome your toughest critic, yourself, there's nothing in this world that should be able to stop you.  And if others didn't have that fear life would be filled with Participation trophies, and no champions.  That's why when I wake up I tell myself "when I write I will succeed", and not "What if I write will I succeed?", to attempt everyday to overcome that fear, and each day I get closer and closer to putting pen to paper.

So here's my challenge to you: Stop saying What If!!!!!  And instead say "When I".  And never stop challenging yourself on a daily basis, and always overcome that fear to fail.

Superman

First off I found this picture I thought it was really funny, but I don't believe it one bit.  For those that know me know that I have hated Superman most of my life, but it wasn't until this year I realized that he is the man I aim to be.  He always sees the good in people, tries to help everyone in the world, is selfless and never gives up.  His weakness is a piece of rock from his home planet, and this year I have found my kryptonite, and sadly it is embedded in me.  Fear.  Fear that I won't accomplish what I want to in my life, fear that I will just be a nobody, rather than a somebody.  But through my friends and family they give me the strength to pick up my pen, and fight against the kryptonite to continue writing.  A few of you who read this have single handily sewn my cape and placed it on me, and without you I would of never known what it likes to metaphorically fly.  Be so high in the air looking down on the world, and trying my very hardest to bring all my friends and family up with me.  So without further ado, i give you my second poem, Superman.

Superman

We all have our secret identities.

People who we pretend to be.

There's always a side of us that we are afraid for others to see.

Some are afraid to show others they have a heart and care.

Some have a big enough heart. love is all they bare.

And some pretend to have a heart that is no longer there.

I wear my heart on my chest and in plain sight.

So it never falls out of the light.

I know what is wrong and I know what is right.

And my endgame is always in sight.

I may not be human but I now know what is like to be one of you.

I wish love and happiness were the only emotions that I knew true.

But like you I have shed tears too, tears that are blue.

I can lift many things, but my greatest strength comes from my heart.

My parents knew this, knew this from the start.

My family raised a man who will always fly high in the sky.

But they also raised a man who knows it is ok to cry.

Dreams and fantasies who do you want to be.

Would you soar in the sky with me?

We all have a hero in us.

To find it we must learn who to love and who to trust.

You must live with the goal hero or bust.

Never settle for staying on the ground.

Down on this little dirt mound.

Aim for the sky, true and blue.

I know for a fact that you have it in you.

So here's my challenge to all that read this.

Not really a challenge more like a wish.

Fly high in the sky.

Always try.

For then you and I can soar in the big open blue.

Because at that exact moment I will know what it is like to be flying with you.

The Book of Life

On the first day of the year I tried something new instead of writing down resolutions, because resolutions rarely ever work.   Seriously raise your hand if you have ever kept a New Year's resolution, now put your hand down because I can't see you raising your hand, or can I....jk!  On January 1st I wrote a letter to myself to read on January 1st, 2014, about giving myself praise for all that I will accomplish this year, because if you have the mindset that it will get done by the end of the year the only thing left to do is fulfill that promise you made yourself, so you can give yourself that high five at the end of the year.  To give you the cliff notes version of the letter it basically says I will write 25+ blog posts this year, at least a poem a month, lose 15 pounds, no longer have a girly leg, take a shirtless pic of myself, finish writing my book, and be a happier better person all around.  Now that I have given myself the kudos ahead of time I know what I have to do before the end of the year.  So here start's the first official blog posting of 2013, the first of many!!!

Every life is a book authored and co authored by many.  You yourself are a volume of many books in the past dating back to your first living relative.  Just think for a second a part of your great, great, great x100 grandfather or grandmother lives on in you right now.  That is pretty awesome if you ask me.  Which brings me my first point I've heard everyone in your life is a character in your story, but I believe that is only half of it.  Sure each person you meet will either play a huge or small role in your life, but you also will play a role in theirs, so in a way we are more than just characters, we are the writers of our own lives, and everyone around us plays the co author.  It's easy to ignore people in the world and live on a dusty book shelf so to speak, but books are made to be shared, read, hell even loved!!!  There are open book people and closed book people, whichever book they are is their own choice.  They may have been burned in the past, had their heart broken, trusted someone they shouldn't have why they are closed is their own reasons.  Then there are open book people who let anyone and their mother read them, or write their book down and publish it on the internet for others to read (me!).  I have read from a lot of writers if you wanna be a good writer then you have to read, and read alot!  A close friend who I love like a brother told me that since I love to read, I can read the best parts in people and help them bring it out, and see the worst and not judge them for it.  Both books are needed in life and have their role, but sooner or later closed or hard to read books are written off by many, and that is heartbreaking to me, because there must a be a reason why they want to stay on the shelf not being read and if we all took the time to not just look at cover, but to crack it open and read it we would realize all books should be read, enjoyed, and loved.

Every smile, laugh, burp, heart break, high five, fight, etc will always be written in our book we can erase it all want, ignore it even but the imprint will always be there.  But those imprints are what make life interesting. Think for a second would someone want to read a book about your life, and if the answer is no then why not!  We all live an adventure and it's up to us and others around us to write it.  Sure we all face heart break, fights, mistrust but all those adversities are what make us stronger and in turn makes for a greater story in the end.  All the smiles, laughs, farts, burps, great memories are what keep you going, all the bad stuff is what tests you and makes you stronger in the end.  If we learn from the bad things that happen in our book, that adds to the adventure and will make the victory that much sweeter.  Our books would be boring if there was no challenges to overcome, in fact our life would a See Spot Run book!  Those books are fine in the beginning but sooner or later you have to move up in the world.  And the things that happen to us in life are what makes us move toward a greater adventure.  So instead of letting a heartbreak, a fight, a grudge, or mistrust ruin your book, let it help you grow into a better person, and add to the adventure.

Like my blog says "every life is untitled" and I would like to challenge you to think of a title for your own life, if I was choosing my title I would call it "A hero's journey", because it sounds interesting and I would want to read that book.  Granted I don't have a cape (yet), have superstrength (yet), or can fly if others believe that you are a hero you don't need those things.  You just need the things that led people to make that conclusion in the first place, your heart and your mind.   So thank you for helping me title my life so far :)

P.S.....I need poem ideas so hit me up if you have any suggestions :)

Reflection

I was planning on writing poetry down the road again, but today I had an idea, and couldn't get it out of my head, so without further adu, my first poem in many, many years!! 

Reflection

Some put on their makeup.

Others do their hair.

Not me.

I stare.

Stare at the man in the mirror looking back at me.

Looking back at the boy I was.

The man I have become.

See the physical scars.

And reflect on the deeper, inner, scars that incur from growth.

The wrinkles in the face. 

The thinning and fading hair. 

I just stare.

Some put on their makeup.

Others do their hair.

Not me.

I stare. 

Stare at the man in the mirror looking back at me.

Mirrors don't lie.

That's why many do not like them.

They show you the truth of yourself, but only if you look.

Looking at that man reflected back I feel many urges.

High five.

Hug.

Punch.

Turn and walk away.

But instead I just stare.

Some put on their makeup.

Others do their hair.

Not me.

I stare.

Stare at the man in the mirror looking back at me.

I see many things in the mirror that others do not see.

I see the past always trying to haunt me.

Replaying hurtful memories.

Fueling anger, and not forgiveness.

I see the present happiness.

The present is always in battle with the past.

Present always wins.

Some put on their makeup.

Others do their hair.

Not me.

I stare.

Stare at the man in the mirror looking back at me.

While staring my mind wanders.

Wanders far away to the future.

The future where I become the man I'm destined to be.

The one I have decided on.

Happy.

Muscular. 

Lean. 

Successful.

Only love no more hate.

No more anger.

No more fear.

I stare and I feel this feeling in my heart.

Look myself in the eyes.

And make a promise.

This is your future.

This is your destiny.

This is who you will become.

Some put on their makeup.

Others do their hair.

Not me.

I stare.

Stare at the man in the mirror looking back at me.

And smile because I like who I have become.

And am looking forward to who I will be.

The End!

First off I wanted to get this blog out before the 21st of this month, for one reason to signify the end.  Some believe the world will end but other cultures believe it will be a rebirth and another cycle that we all will go through.  I believe the second one is more true.  But couldn't help posting a scary pic of the world ending!!!  And no this is not the last blog either!

Any chance I can get to write about superheros I always take it.  This will be no exception.  Over the past few weeks I've reread all my blogs to see what I have said in the past, and knowing that i wrote those words that I was reading tells me I know deep down they are all true.  Every blog I have written has led up to this one, and I didn't realize that until two or three months ago, when everything started to fall in place, and trigger the transformation of what is to become.  Ralph Waldo Emerson said "The only person you're destined to be is the person you decide to be!"  Well I have decided to become a completely different person and kill off a side of me that gets me nowhere.  The dreamer in me is being transformed into the doer side of me, because dreams are great, but they are nothing if you don't do anything about them.

    

Now the superhero aspect of this.  Each blog I have done so far is in a way my own team of Avenger's I have assembled to take on my own personal Loki, my negative and fearful side.  Each time I posted it was accepted with love and support helping make my words stronger, and making me believe in what I was writing more and more.  I'm not sure if I could add labels to my blogs according to the certain Avengers, but I know for a fact they all build on each other.  Armed with the words I have written from my heart I know deep down that with the support I have now with everyone I know I too can walk up to my negative self and slam him into the ground repeatedly!  Loki brags about having an army, well I have my own Hulk.  My Hulk is my determination to never give up, and never stop fighting.   My Loki's army is my own personal demons and fears that keep me from doing what I wanna do, well from now on I'm unleashing the Hulk on his army, and smashing it into oblivion.  Fear and my demons will not hold me back anymore, what does this mean, it means I pray each night I can move on from person I am right now, and become the person I'm destined to be. 

What does this all mean and what is The End I'm speaking of, it's simple I'm done talking about what I wanna do, and I'm going to do it.  I already have a chapter and a half written for my book, and what I have planned for it I believe a lot of people will like it.  I'm done talking about Project Awesome, because over the year it has embodied me, and swallowed me whole.  I live, eat, breathe, and sleep Project Awesome and I couldn't be happier.  Without it I don't know where I would be.  It has helped me silence my dark self, and has brought out the best person  I know who I can be.  I almost didn't get to write this blog because of events that happened this weekend, but it helped me realize something in my moment of crisis.  I do not want the words Chuck E Cheese manager forever immortalized next to my name, I want the words "husband, father, friend, brother, son, and writer" immortalized in my name.  My whole life I've been known as the guy who works at McDonald's then became the Chuck E Cheese guy, well it's time to be known as that writer guy.  My words are weapons and I'm cocked, aimed, and ready to go to battle against my own fear of not succeeding.   

So to sum up everything in a nice little package this is the end of a big side of me, the side of me that is always dreaming, but never doing anything about them.  This is an awakening of the man I have decided to be, and the man I am destined to become.  This new year I'm making one resolution, one promise, to become the best version of myself in every aspect of my life: friendship, fatherhood, husbandhood, writer, fitness, and etc...  This week starts this new promise to myself, one I know you all will help me keep.  So thank you and I love you!!  And last but not least, AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!!!