I bought a book a few weeks ago called the Secret and it changed my mind about how I was thinking lately, but then I realized something while reading it. I was reading my own blog, but a published version of it and one that has a made a ton of money. If you don't believe me just read the book and let me know what you think. Apparently I have known the Secret, but I have been choosing to ignore the power of it for too long. Basically in a nutshell, expect good things and good things will happen. Expect bad things, and guess what shit storm. But I learned a lesson in that, you just can't think they are going to happen, you must believe it with every inch of your heart and your soul. The universe will move mountains if you believe it can, and dreams can come true.
While we are on dreams I haven't believed in dreams coming true for too long, until I realized I'm living a half of my dream right now, being a father. We were told there was no chance in hell we were going to get pregnant, but apparently God heard our prayers and knew of our dreams to become parents, and moved mountains to make it happen. Being a father was something I have always dreamed of being. The dad who takes his kids to baseball games, scout activities, father daughter dates, and all the other wonderful thing that go along with being a daddy. The dad who ran at the speed of life and wished there was more time to spend with his kids. That's who I wanted to be, and who I have become mostly. I pray I'm the dad who kids are always proud to point out to all their friends, but at the same time they won't have too because everyone knows me.
Everyone in the world can tell you that they love you, but if you don't tell yourself that those words fall on deaf ears, and are blocked out by the walls that were build through the hatred you have built up within yourself. I've been lost for too long trying to run from my problems or hide them, but the shitty thing about personal problems, is that you can never run away from them. They are in your mind, and where ever you run your mind will follow. And running from them only makes them worse, trust me I know this. So I decided to shut myself out for little bit, and stop putting on a mask of happiness, until I found it again. I found it by doing what I love doing spending time with my family, and writing. I haven't been to the gym in a long time though because I know my heart and soul isn't ready for that yet, but hopefully come Monday it will be back into it.
Speaking of my heart and soul not being in anything lately, I was told that the fire went out in me a little bit ago, And the truth is, it didn't go out, too many pissed in it and put it out. Going through the motions of life is no way to live life, because you never do anything new in life and therefore never learn anything new. Never grow any stronger, in fact you become weaker from the lack of not using the muscles we grow by living. Then you become bored, and bitter. Bored from doing the same thing over, and over, and then becoming bitter with yourself when there is no change. Bitterness turns to anger and then rage. Then comes the finger pointing and you point your finger at everyone else in the world, but at yourself. The only person who can piss out your own fire is you, and on the flip side you are ultimately the only person who can pour the gas on it so it never goes out.
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